I am home with four kids - two girls, two boys - ages 14, 6, 5 and 3 (and when I started this blog, just a little over two years ago, I had an infant, a 2yr old, 3yr old and 12yr old - feels like a lifetime ago, but it wasn't ;-). Until about four or five years ago, I worked in marketing. I have been and done many things - dancer, magazine "multi-tasker", advertising copywriter, gymnastics coach, resort town waitress, grad student, etc. Now my areas of expertise are different and diverse. I am savvy, efficient, patient and earthy (like it or not). I am a better cook, an Ok herb gardener, an impressive artist to my kids, an active and prolific photographer, a childrens' clothing stylist (in my head), a manager of all things "household" and a news enthusiast (from politics to celebrity). I am more cynical though less of a worrier / hypochondriac than I used to be. I am increasingly proud of what I do with kids, family and home, but I do still present myself as a "freelance writer".
A lot of posts lately with exclamation points, and I am not an exclamation point kinda writer - weird. I think I am feeling some of these passages this year (finally being able to get out with the kids & no toddlers in tow, both my boys leaving preschool, the year of chaos ending only to start a new challenging one for which I want to be primed and ready ;-). I have been reflective lately, thinking of the past - what I've taken for granted - what I'll miss - what I am finally looking forward to. AND... for that last point, I say "finally" because I have been enmeshed in babies, family angst to varying degrees, and my own physical decline (back issues, pregnancy anemia, unable to get to a dentist for filling replacement, teeth whitening - all my usual "tune ups" - used to love the dentist ;-) for such a long time that the fact that actual home improvement, working out regularly at a gym, and taking vacations (at all) that will allow me to relax are all new ideas to me. Oh - and welcome ones - trust me. Also, I have a new niche as a writer, a lucrative and interesting one - I have some new ventures on the horizon, all new to me and all exciting - plus, I have finally (there's that word again) figured out that some people are worth mending bridges and odd rifts over YET others are best left to their own devices and their own lives, a hard but valuable lesson.
So ... the semi-solemn year-end review begins. I am really looking forward to this passage. I normally do not like to see that time is passing as I am a lifelong sentimental fool, crying over lost loved ones and moments gone - lost summers, friends moved away, children growing up - long before they actually passed or moved or died. I am a worrier, and I often dwell on such things. For the first time in a long time this year, I feel renewed and freer than I have for years - more like ME. I recognize myself now (from my clothes down to my newfound motivation), and I feel that I am, as a result, a more useful (yes, I mean that) and loving person. Hopefully, my hubby, my mom, my 4 sweet cupcakes and other new and old friends will benefit. I don't want to be a bitch anymore; I want to be zen-centered calm :-). Is that a resolution? I believe it is ;-).
So... Happy New Year, everybody!!!!! (exclamation, exclamation, exclamation....)
Photo: Playing with the iPhone again (and you know how I love self-portraits) - don't even mind that I can see my dark circles and some lines around my mouth this time - marks of a life well-lived? OR.... marks of these last 5 years or so with my wee ones and my life as a SAHM. You decide; I am OK with either.