All work and no play....

... does make Sherri (me) a dull girl. And.... I'm not going to lose it a la Jack Nicholson in The Shining (as my segue to a rant indicates here), but.... I am snippy these days.

After days of folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, making dinners that no one likes, and getting my winter frump on (UGGs, yoga pants, jogging bra, long-sleeved T, scarf, and hoodie), I get .... well... like I said, snippy (see, I even have advanced brain fry - not good for a writer who needs to be able to.... um.... use words).

I am torn between reveling in the fact that my boys want me to play card games with them, and want to perform holiday-inspired plays for us, and want to "help" me with everything in the kitchen lately... AND .... getting frustrated because I take five min. showers, don't even brush my hair, never watch anything I want to on TV, and .... do NOT get a single minute alone. My teen wants, wants, wants.... my just turned three year old is demanding as kids that age are. And... really .... none of this warrants complaining, but.....

It's just that, after doing the laundry, the dishes, the blah, blah, blah, I do NOT handle things well - even the smallest of skirmishes or late night requests pushes me over the edge these days. I snapped the other night when my five year old Milo (so new to that age, I almost said 4 :-) had the nerve to cry over a hang nail at 4 in the morning. I also snapped at him tonight (after the sweet boy washed his dinner plate for me - which will need to be... ahem.... washed again, btw - and drew me a picture and a holiday card all so I would "be happy") because, when baby sis Lil went to give him a card that she made for him (and had lovingly colored and taped and glued for quite some time in response to the card her gave her earlier :-), he said, angrily, "I don't like pink." And... when her little face fell, I just started to yell at him. He hid his face in his covers (it was bedtime), and... THEN - after the inappropriate, dramatic reaction... I soothed him, explained my position, gave a mini-lecture on the merits of saying thank you to gifts of any kind but especially of the heart. Truthfully, in his preschool mind, he probably just didn't want big kindergarten brother, Enzo, who was right next to him, to think he liked the card if it was pink (clearly a "girl color", right? ;-).

And.... speaking of big brother (a new 6 year old and experienced kindergartner, as you all know), I feel like my attempts to comfort him fell flat tonight. See... all day, they would NOT leave me my space in our 100 year old city victorian (i.e. narrow and close downstairs) house. I wanted to begin to clean up the dining room for our impending Christmas Day dinner with family, but they wanted to do art projects and had paper, markers, paint, glue, and glitter strewn from one end to the other. It is, currently, beyond me. I cleaned their room (on the third floor), put out games, laid out art paper, piled their favorite books, put their favorite Disney show on the TV and, still, they would not leave the first floor for the glorious playroom of a space on the third floor. Instead, they were downstairs, dragging Indiana Jones and Mario / Luigi costumes all over the place - changing into one, then the other (and each "quick change" required help, of course) - loud-talking, even screaming, crashing into an antique table when they tried to be a donkey under a comforter with a handmade donkey face (HIGH points for creativity and fortitude in execution on that one, but... come on.... my favorite table - broken? Screaming? REALLY? Help).

So... back to Enzo ... while he did "doctor" me back to health today with back rubs and ginger ale when I had a headache or drew me pictures and wanted to sit next to me and hug me most of the day, he is the ringleader in all of this. When I say go upstairs to play, he has the big fit, and he forbids the other two little ones from listening (secretly, of course, but I know what they're whispering about). So, I firmly told him that the bags of ice they had all filled in response to imaginary "head injuries", all had to be thrown away because they were melting and creating puddles. I cleared the dinner dishes (total crap tonight - soup, egg rolls, granola - whatever we could scare up with hubby at Steelers game), reminded him about the ice bags, and went about my business. He, with good intentions, took his soup bowl into the kitchen for me (and I know his technique - take the soup bowl, maybe she won't be mad about all the melted ice - but it is still appreciated :-), and... slipped on one of THOSE ice puddles (no "I told you so" here - it was quite apparent). Soup everywhere (like out of a movie everywhere - noodles on his head and all over the front of him - I stifled laughter, btw... and did assist him ;-)! I had to take the opportunity to hit home the lesson, so... the comforting fell a bit flat. We had tears all the way up the stairs to bed. And I tried to make him feel better - I did. BUT..... the other two little ones were nagging me AND poor Olivia needed to have an important paper proofread, and I was having trouble getting to it all.... Just stretched too thin. And not for just that moment.... ALL THE TIME lately.

Sigh. Geez... I really don't know what to say. Do I even HAVE a point? Anyway.... so... the photo: Not my delightful Irish Coffee. Texted to me by someone who did get out tonight (did I mention my hubby froze his ass off at the Steelers game and stopped by an Italian place in Bloomfield for warm food - so... locals, you know it's good :-)... tonight? Did I mention that?).

So .. do you guys lose it? Do you ever feel stretched too thin? OR, worse, like you've just scarred your child by committing some horrible act of indifference or insensitivity? Humiliation (yikes)? I know you're all busy.... this season is nuts. If you have input, please, by all means, fire away. I need a spanking - or a shoulder to cry on - not sure which yet.

Free rangin' a bit.....

Let my little ones run off to the clubhouse after a quick dinner of pasta, apple slices, hot dogs and warm cookies for dessert. Unsupervised and totally self-sufficient, they put on their own sneaks or slip-ons and headed off to climb crossbars and swing - while Daddy and I discussed birthday party plans, new furniture, bedroom painting and other vital bits of info. before soccer practice. Texted my teen while I watched Weezer on Yo Gabba Gabba with Lil - discovered that the field hockey team wandered Oakland like college students - grabbed some Lu Lu's Noodles and boarded the team bus bound for Peters Twp for their games - ETD tonight: past 10 pm - though my girl and her responsible friends will be riding back with another parent in order to get homework done, etc. - She doesn't need me there - assures me she will play hard. Who ARE these kids and how did they get to be so.... um .... secure?!?! ;-).

This is my post for tomorrow - going to get back on gym schedule and stock up on school lunch stuff which is already running dangerously low PLUS continue my ongoing organization projects (can anyone say photos and seasonal clothing), so..... I will be MIA (should I hang a "Gone Fishin'" sign here? - Nah... I'm a "throw'em back" kinda girl anyway ;-). Happy Wed, all. Don't forget Top Chef on Bravo - 10 pm - finale!!!!!

No more excuses.

I have this tendency to evaluate my appearance, my body, my style, etc. very harshly. I intensely dislike photos of myself and I am constantly striving to take at least one "pretty" one so my kids will remember me when I was young as fun and attractive (and this is anywhere - if I'm baking cookies and notice my hair looks good, I may prompt hubby to snap one - or if we're out and I feel like I actually like what I have on, I may ask for another quick candid - usually one of my eyes looks bigger than the other - you can see my gray streaked ugly ash brown roots or I have yet another breakout - Ooooo - worse, I look fat .... AGAIN). Vain? No. Silly? Probably. Deluded? Yes.

And... by deluded - I mean on both ends. There are days that I think I look fabulous and... in hindsight - I wonder how I did not manage to embarass Olivia - repulse hubby and / or make my little ones laugh at me. Other times, I look at a photo from just a few years ago when I was lamenting a bad haircut, feeling chubby and hating my outfit, AND... oddly.... now I think I look great - and so does hubby - and Olivia - and my Mom (now that's sayin' something).

I've been many things - lipsticked, dressed up dancer in my high-heeled Frye boots by day - my appropriately ripped up sweats and leg warmers by night - ballet bun and / or long, loose curls - nails were always done - eye shadow always 80s funky - and the jewelry - oh the rings and ear piercings... 7 total. I then went punk - hair long in the front, shaved in the back a la skate punk style (and skating those empty swimming pools and long, flat city steps WAS fun, wasn't it? As were the hardcore shows - alternative dance nights with my "Waver" friends....) - army jackets - pegged jeans - converse sneaks - black everything - shirts, skinny skirts, baggy sweats - Oh - and combat boots and Doc Martens (I still take my old buckled Docs out now and then and caress and care for them :-). I even entered a crunchy, hippy, granola stage - living at the oceanfront, I was all long, straight, sunstreaked hair - no makeup - sunglasses - flip flops - bells and braided bracelets on my ankles - back pack - hiking shorts (and, yes, I hiked and ran during this time - a 5K - an 8K - one scary Maine rock climbing trip - another scary white water adventure in WVA) - a little fairy wish bell around my neck - crystals.... In fact, I sometimes freak a little - thinking people still see me as the bohemian, gypsy type, and... I want a little more from my style than that. By contrast, those who knew me as the professional, remember a designer obsessed chick with short, choppy hair - chunky silver jewelry - lots of boots and heels - ALWAYS solid colors (no prints here), and... that's not really me either (I blame the ad, pr and marketing industry).

Now? I don't know. I suspect I may be all of those things. I wear old punk rock t-shirts to work out at the gym. For simplicity, I usually just grow my hair long - but end up hacking at my bangs or my layers myself - having expensive colorists add color that I end up hating. I do wear flip flops, long skirts and tie dyes in the summer - usually no make up - AND in the winter, I'm all scrunchy UGGS, clingy skirts or yoga pants, puffy jackets and funky scarves with bright lipstick and sunglasses. I am, admittedly, a little boring. Every now and then, I buy a cool pair of earrings that my long, stringy hair hides or I buy a new pair of shoes that I end up never wearing. I usually blame time - even lack of interest (house and kids making me crazy), but... I'm finding that I have no excuses.

I hang with some people at the pool who do their workout and show up, kids in tow, hair pushed back - requisite yoga pants or Athleta workout skirts over their faded bathing suits and they work it and they look good. I went to drop my Olivia at a friend's house to babysit the other night, and "the dad" showed up at the front door looking nothing like a dad but more like a teenager with his baseball hat on backwards - long baggy b-ball shorts on - bare feet. Could I pull that off? No. Can all these cute boys - my hubby included - who wear it all with confidence and bravado pull it off? Yes. My neighbor just shaved her head and it looks fabulous, so... there goes my "I can't have style because nothing is low maintenance" excuse (and, yes, M, I am shaking my fist at you right now - I know you're out picking peaches, but I'm shaking it - you just can't see me ;-). Another friend just dropped over 20 pounds in LESS THAN a summer, so.... again.... what's my excuse? I eat what the kids do.... blah blah blah - she has a kindergartner too!

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe confidence is what it takes to pull anything off AND that's precisely what I need to work on. Plus - I do need to get my hair cut every now and then - buy myself a lipstick or a shirt. I'm into this self-deprivation thing right now, and it is just NOT working for me.

Photos: Easter. A perfect example of what I mean. We took tons of photos. In each one, I look horrible for varying reasons. With Olivia - eyes closed (though, I am in heels - she in flats - so I look tall - I can't stand it when I look like a troll with all these middle school girls towering over me). With Lil - fat. Close up with Lil - fat - and what is UP with my hair?! Group photo... um.... look OK but why is everyone fighting and running from us? I included a "booty shot" - yes, my butt - in the mirror - a "before" photo for my workout progress. Need I say more? I often like the self-portraits that my kids take. I have a "witch" nose and chin, but... these photos look like ME - they capture my essence, I think - good or bad. And, yes - I included one of my famous self-portraits - ugly but I dig it (see my evaluation techniques are rather odd :-). And... finally... the family photo shoot - have said it before, will say it again - I look baaaad - everyone else looks fantastic. I think I tried to hide blemishes with too much make-up - had let someone put a "warm" red tone on my hair, and... well... yuck. Hubby looks cute, though.

OK - so here ya go.... A story here on salmonella and eggs. Just beware - does not seem to affect our region. And... here - what I'm been obsessing on lately.... how NOT to lose your temper (i.e. yell) when kids are acting up (perfect timing on this article - must be some summer angst a brewin' all over - and, on my end, I've already told them all to "shut up" this morning - and, at one time, my Olivia thought that was a swear word to give you ANY idea of how far my parenting skills have deteriorated with the addition of each wild child - and, today, hands shaking, stomach aching, I am LOSIN' IT). And... finally ... same mag - a story on "is your child a public menace?" Hmmm.... wonder who that applies to?

Top Chef tonight.... don't miss it!

A few quick updates.

Now that I've joined the living again....

OK - another mess. A general summoned by the President for comments in Rolling Stone. Ouch.

I love the 365 degrees brand by Whole Foods. Two favorites this week - the lime frozen fruit bars (just shared one with Lil) - and the organic creamy tomato basil soup (one serving 3.5 grams of fat - not bad but go easy... easy to "over-serve" yourself soup).

Two favorite kid distractions of the week - Yo Gabba Gabba on Nick Jr. (has good music - and lots o' dancing ;-) - and MarioKart for Wii (totally working to get everyone on the same page for the play date this afternoon - Enzo, Milo and little pal from school - all preschool or kindergartners). These are probably good examples of my "less than stellar" parenting tips - since they are totally tv-focused.

Toys R Us has a 20% off sale on all Little Tykes stuff - outdoor, furniture, toys, etc. Go to the site for the coupon. I'm hunting a sandbox (I know many of you say don't do it, but... my kids are diggers - I have to, I think).

And, by the way, has anyone seen the new boot looks for fall? Usually, they begin to surface this time of year, and I've got some birthday cash I want to spend (and I'm a flip flop or barefoot girl all summer anyway). I did see that Nordstrom is having an UGG trunk show for fall 2010, which will make my daughter and all her pals happy (though I do possess some UGGs myself). That's all I've got thus far...

Water table, cookie baking and writing sample organization are now calling me. Au revoir and have a nice day :-).

I know... I know...

My 14 year old needs new furniture and her room painted. She is in bad need of underwear and summer shorts that fit. My boys want more fishies in their tank, and their armoires and dresser drawers are full of clothes that do not fit. My little one currently shares a room with all of my scrapbook and photo stuff plus only half of her room is appropriately painted the "very Lil" raspberry pink that makes it so... well... Lil (it's early - I'm not clever yet).

But... I am too busy getting laundry done, keeping dust bunnies from interfering with floor play, throwing together a protein, a starch, a veggie for dinner every night (still not clever - my apologies :-), and... getting everyone to school, to sports practice, to their respective spring events - athletic banquets, school dances, baseball camps, etc. (not to mention playing the adventure game outside with Milo in which I am "Mary" and he is Indiana Jones - or Lil's pretend play with horseys and mermaids - or Enzo and his books - or Olivia and all her girl stuff :-) to even begin the fun stuff (what I'm calling the "to do" list above). Hubby swamped too as we both have a lot going on in our respective career corners - getting the house spring ready (it, too, needs to be painted - our room is a mess - our yard is yukky - garden needs to go in soon, etc.).

Sigh. Too much on the ol' calendar these days .... ;-). Though... you can see from the photo that we were at this pace way back in October AND had not tackled the above "list", which existed back then as well! Plus... I'm sleepy. Lil has been restless at night - telling me she's "scared" when she wakes. Usually, I end up fetching her milk, turning on the TV, sitting on the couch with her until she sleeps again. NOT ideal in terms of parenting tips (but, I ask you - what is IDEAL at 4 in the morning??? My eyebrows are raised here... you just can't see me ;-). I do have one good parenting tip, however.... Have always been a Cheerios fan, and... now have ventured out a bit and tried their "fruity" version as well as their chocolate offering. Pretty good - still nutritious (whole grain) - still low sugar (comparatively).....

Thankful for a couple of things - First and foremost that one of Enzo's kindergarten classmates, Catherine, who has been sick ... is on the mend and feeling better (the class created get well cards for her yesterday - which reminds me, I am thankful for his teachers - thinking now of Mrs. K, who sent my Olivia "we miss you" Easter greetings from the whole class when we had moved away and were feeling sad - always thinking how Mrs. W helps my boy this year, and... Mrs. E's good intentions :-). And... just to show that I'm still into spring, busy schedule and all, I'm thankful for raw sugar snap peas (you know how I love my raw food :-) - in fact, check out this upcoming local raw dinner event at J'eet Cafe - could be interesting...) because they taste like spring and I can eat them all day because they are non-fat and tasty. Thankful, too, for my cousin's new baby, Ellis; he was born earlier this week and is a welcome addition to my Dad's side of the family after a bit of a difficult run lately... knee injuries, surgeries - other annoying, nasty stuff.... Thankful, today, that my little ones have noticed all the flowers blooming - on our tree out front - as we drive on our way to do daily errands - want to read books with me, play in the rain together....

I feel a bit like Sesame Street.... today's post was brought to you by sugar snap peas and the color raspberry pink ;-).

Very Similar to a Public Flogging

So... this morning.... we're all set to go. I had that routine down again - breakfast orders as their eyes open, socks in boots, clothes laid out, back packs set to go, lunchboxes filled with soup, salad, chocolate milk, bottled water, peanut butter, etc. Everybody was having a great time, watching cartoons, running around, laughing, talking about their day at school (seriously, Enzo is going home with a friend so was excited and chatting about it, the little neighbor boy, Eli, was riding with us, so... again, everyone excited). I even had time to pack Marcello his beloved Peruvian Beef Saltado (family from Peru), which I stir-fried during that CRAZY dinner hour last night (and this one was a doozy - Lilliana lost a bottle of milk somewhere in the house, one of the fish died, I broke my shoe - I'm a barefoot / flip flop girl all year so not a real shoe, but... still, all the kids were fighting, no one wanted stir fry but me and hubby so I did breakfast for dinner - like in Coraline - for everyone else, though little ones wouldn't eat, I had to resort to putting the Wii on again....ugh...). Anyway, everyone zips up, grabs lunches, puts back packs on... heads out the door. I gave Milo his lemonade (that was his "breakfast" order) - Lilliana waves good-bye to him - Olivia starts to put him in his booster seat, then.... the "thunder cloud" face. He gets red - eyes fill with tears - he glares under his long, long bangs - he drops everything in his hands to the ground - he begins to growl -then he begins to rant (you didn't give me a cup - I don't like these little straws - no one listens....This is all a step up from when he used to point his crooked little finger at us and just say one word - "Never" - very menacing ;-) - then... he runs (the lap of rage, we call it). He takes off down the sidewalk - sharp left at the driveway - breakneck pace to the backyard, the whole time growling, ranting, yelling. Finally, his boots slow him down - hubby able to corner him - throw him over his shoulder and pin him into the car. Usually, he'll act like he's gone unconscious in the car - then whoever drives him that day will have to "fireman carry" him into the building (last week, he went into the school bathroom and sat in a corner, face to the wall, until hubby left - we are told AS SOON AS we leave, he is FINE - when I pick him up, he is excited and tells me he had a great day - AND this has only been going on since the "snow days". AND - 90 percent of the time, he is FINE by the time we get to school and wants to run in and "surprise" his teachers or takes his coat off running because he is so excited to get there - FICKLE FOUR YEAR OLD :-). Oh well - guess I know better than to give him the actual juice box - noted is the fact that I should put the liquid into another more acceptable container, which I did this morning, to avoid the "Mad Milo Syndrome". Pick your battles. Anyway... we'll manage - we always do.

Oh - and our "Winter Walk" yesterday turned into a springtime splashfest - great fun! Sipping coffee, I walked the sidewalk and HAD to have my sunglasses on - Milo and Lil splashed and climbed crunchy snow mountains. We all went inside to get dry and warm after quite a while out in the fresh air!

Photo: Would this angel face do ANYTHING like what I describe above? I think we all know the answer to that one.....