Remember the sun?

I do. I remember hot, windy, long summer days. Time now, however, to embrace snowflakes and the smell of pine. I think I'm up for it, but... can't help reminiscing with a couple of photos :-).

Also time to embrace hubby's office lunch today (had my "work lunch" yesterday - the book I worked on went to print this morning :-) - more shopping (need to coerce Olivia to go) - play date for Enzo - movie night for both boys - house could use some more greenery - Lil wants to bake more cookies.....

Recovered...

.... and forgiven. Me and my boys are onto the next project. And... I am desperately trying to remember to accept that ebb and flow of everyday life. I mean, this morning, just turned three year old, Lil, was in our bed, having crawled in at 2 am, and she woke me by kicking me in the face and thrashing - clearly in the throes of a tantrum - and one that she wasn't sure she even wanted or needed. Hubby calmed her while I went to wake teen Olivia, early (she and pals are planning a birthday surprise for a friend and need an early ride to school), told her I would be bringing clean uniforms and breakfast up in 5 min. and she informed me that I should hurry because we had to leave in 15 min. Could we all please get moving. Excuse me?

So ... my boys awoke... and, obviously, did not dwell on our scuffles yesterday (like I did ;-). We are onto play with plastic horses and orange juice pops from the Zoku quick pop maker (and I love this puppy - have said so in previous posts - in fact, it may have been a gift last year at Christmas from friends... regardless, it is super cool. I like it because you can leave it in the refrigerator and when you want pops, just pour in juice, wait a couple min and enjoy. No waiting for hours while they freeze in the freezer -this thing does it instantly :-).

Anyway - dreamed of my Dad last night. A real puzzling dream. He was with my Mom and not paying much attention to me. This is on the heels of a discussion I had with hubby after a late night dinner at Paris 66 the other night, and a quick conversation in French with a couple employees there. I remarked that my French was now terrible, and, for some reason, I remembered helping my Mom buy a beautiful set of Limoges dishes in Limoges, France years ago. The saleswoman was shocked that she wanted the whole set, and she was curious about what these "rich" Americans were doing in Europe, living and working, etc. (and, btw, I used to edit what I said about my spoiled existence, but.., I don't anymore - my life is what it is what it is, ya know?). I talked to her for a long time - in French - with no problems, and... it was the first time I had done that - without stammering, searching for words, etc. I felt quite bilingual - pleased with myself :-). I love those dishes too - often request them on holidays. They are quite dramatic - purple and gold on the edges - real bone china - beautiful. I would love my kids to enjoy them on holidays for years to come - my grandchildren, etc. Hubby said I should tell my Mom that, and.... maybe I will.... but.... there is a lot going on there... a lot.... Anyway.... ebb and flow ..... rising above... ;-).

So .. funny photos: My boys and the juice pop maker! Wheee..... Hey - it's something to do inside on a cold, snowy day, right?

Off in a bit to proofread a final copy of the book I worked on AND to attend a holiday lunch. I haven't been invited to one of those in years! Kinda looking forward to it....:-). See... recovered! Entirely. Though.... I do think I should get to a'grindin' those coffee beans. What d'ya think? Offset the cranky that plagues me these days? ;-)

They say, someday, you'll look back and laugh....

... and you do. But you also smile, cry, remember, discuss, lament, rejoice..... This crazy, beautiful life. Thankful for it all this season. Also thinking of others who need love, comfort, and a lot of joy this time of year.

Photos: Me, hubby, baby Enzo and 9 year old, Olivia in Paris - infant Milo (who we think "hails from" Paris ;-) - born nearly 9 mos. after trip) - Me and Olivia at her 10th b-day party, only a week or so after my Dad died (I'm wearing the ring of his that I always wear in the photo) - Daddy and Enzo on go-carts in NC (a year and a half ago?) - Lil on that same NC vacation, looking at the ocean.

Oh - and I should have told you this last week, but... if you aren't watching Top Chef Masters, you should be - Wed. at 10 pm on Bravo :-).

Glitter and letters to Santa

Yeah - so the glitter was OUT last night. As we ate a dinner of leftovers, soup and buttery, yummy croissant (Daddy working late, so... easy dinner, BUT have I gushed about Trader Joe's self-rising mini croissants AND chocolate croissants? If not, I should have.... go get them... NOW), we worked on Enzo's Christmas tree, an annual thing in kindergarten. In fact, I remember doing it with Olivia years ago - and, of course, with Enzo last year. We have done beads and glitter in the past - possibly once even some beads and dry cereal. Wow - now I feel like I have to dig those Christmas trees out. I mean, I have saved them. I save all their art stuff, but... now I just gotta see'em (I have a friend who puts all her kids St. Bede artwork out when the season in appropriate, and... I just think that's so great - especially now that they are in middle school, high school and college :-). Anyway, Milo had a gluey, glittery, messy work of art going on - Lil was happy just to watch - and Olivia was upstairs toiling on homework. Same with Enzo - he toiled over math and letters and ate and applied glue and glitter to his tree. A lot of fun - STILL a lot of glitter today.

We also did some letters to Santa just before bedtime - tried to fill them with words of good behavior and love - don't want the focus to be entirely on gifts, of course (though they all told Santa at Saturday's breakfast that Enzo wants a DS gaming system, Milo wants that XBox 360 Kinectimals game and, apparently, Lil wants a kitty - Olivia's list is too long and designer-laden to recount right now ;-).

Like I said, we are in full glitter, lit up, cookie baking, crazed excitement Christmas mode here. Totally nuts. Behavior is marginal - some trouble at bedtime and dinnertime (it's the fighting, yelling and tantruming that I can't stand - the whiny reluctance to do things that comes with the holiday season is easy to deal with in that not picking up toys, not eating dinner, not going to bed can be remedied with a quick "Santa is watching" comment, but.... the other stuff.... well, in their over-stimulated state of being these days, it can reach a fever pitch).

Anyway, my high maintenance brood is off into the snow today - lunches of hummus, salad, peanut butter and holiday gingerbread are packed (hubby actually got homemade chili - a recipe that I must share if I already haven't - will do a food post soon) - boots, jackets and all the gloves and hats are unpacked from bins in the basement and taking up room in our front hall ..... all good - all snow - all happy. This morning, as flakes fell, tree lights glittered and the sounds of a salt truck woke the little ones, I dispensed breakfasts of chocolate croissants (Olivia), warm waffles and syrup (Enzo), yogurt and granola (Milo), and cheddar cheese, green apples and bread (Lil), thinking.... you know -they may be high maintenance at times, but.... isn't this what I signed up for - really? So... happy in this house this morning. Happy and warm. Stay safe out there, everyone - starting to get icy.

Decorating the tree....

... and it is chaotic.

Breakfast this morning for my mother-in-law's birthday - so... lots of drawing and clipping of pictures for her gift very early (and then some for another b-day party late day - a friend of E's). After some late night pick-up from after parties in pool houses and midday pick-up from sleepovers for our dance attendee, we settled in with cookies, hot chocolate and Christmas music to decorate our tree this afternoon. Of course, several shattered heirloom ornaments, one broken wooden tabletop decoration, and an oddly large number of light strings that have either halfway or entirely burned out later, and.... we do have ornaments on the tree - it is lit, and... the garland has been located.

This year, we happily found some old dreidels that Olivia made in school years ago and we had thought were lost (and I have been remiss in saying Happy Hanukkah for the past few days) - we discovered that an old wooden angel who used to sit on our porch when Enzo was a baby still lights - and we found remnants of an old nativity and some other decorations that were Santa-ish and / or glittery and, so, delighted the kids. For some reason, though, our one "sealed tight" bin did smell very musty, and it holds our beloved advent calender, tree skirt, and other items that have become little traditions in this house. All these years, and... this year.... musty??? Odd. We also need to locate the creamer from my Villeroy Boch Christmas coffee set (again, here to Europe and back again and this year... we can't find it???).

Anyway.... we are over the top ready for Christmas - glitter, lights, incense and more. Happy, happy :-).

Happy Birthday, Milo!

So ... the sounds of my boys' laughter woke me again this morning.... as they played in their tangle of covers in bed and watched Arthur on PBS. They turned their fish tank on, fed the fish, had obviously been reading books to each other when I got upstairs because they were strewn about - in the covers, on the pillows, all over the floor. I had heard both of them spelling words to each other and turning on their big Transformers and "battling" with them as I got Olivia's breakfast. I knew I had to dress them and get Enzo off to school - I also knew that there was a big pile of presents on the dining room table in which Milo would be very interested, but... I let them play and talk and laugh, and.....as a result, we are a bit late today, but... I so love that they had such a good morning.

Anyway, today Milo is five!!! Sleepy-eyed and still in our pjs, we watched him tear open his gifts this morning (Olivia was already off to school, but we did just get a covert birthday text from her), all wrapped in tissue paper as colorful as he is and / or in Toy Story-themed paper, a favorite movie of his :-). Immediately, he played his guitar, used his new paints, and wanted to put in Toy Story 3. He is still talking about getting waffle fries and / or ice cream later, and he is just so excited. Happy 5, Milo - my sweet angel. You are one of the funniest, most interesting, most challenging, happy, sweet, complicated kids I've ever met. Don't change ;-).

Photo: Milo!!!! as he came out of the preschool room, in his crown, two lollies in his mouth, triumphant in his "fiveness".

Reflections on my feisty boy :-).

So ... today, I snuggle buggled with my Milo on the couch all morning (Mommeee - are you done with your work? Are you ready to snuggle buggle with me, your Milo? sing song-y and funny today - fuming tomorrow .... he is such a study in extremes :-) - watched the rain (while Lil napped and the other two were at school) - discussed what type of icing we should put on the cupcakes we planned to bake for school tomorrow (vanilla - no, chocolate!) - covered up with a blanket - drank juice and coffee, respectively (though we always sample the other's bevie)... just had a nice start to our day. On these days, I often think about how kindergarten next year will change this dynamic, and... this week, I am thinking that I won't do a weekly donut outing with Milo after gymnastics because, well... he's not doing the morning class that he's done for the past few years - he's taking a class with big bro, Enzo, AND.... he's turning 5!!! this week, so... he's too old for that class anyway. I could cry - both with joy and with regret (WHY don't I cherish EVERY minute with him. Why? Because he is that kind of kid; he is like me. He is volatile, and... I really wouldn't change him, but he does test me some days).

So ... yeah - I'm up baking cupcakes because, even though Milo and I planned to do it together, my editing, getting dinner, picking teens up from a lacrosse meeting, heading out late evening to buy dance shoes and a "sticky" bra and more (including his request for blue and green plates and napkins for his school b-day) kept me from giving the project appropriate attention earlier today. And, truthfully, when there was a moment, I chose to send he and Enzo upstairs to play because they had Transformers in hand ready to start some pretend play, AND he had waited all day to play with big bro, E, so.... I opted for that instead of baking with Mommy. Worked out well - probably the better decision.

As is always the case with Milo, I am full of worry. Poor boy - with his kidney specialists and blood tests and special vitamins and hospital stays. Tough guy with his temper, his tantrums, and his stroooooong personality :-). Lonely middle child who is left out by his older brother when the big boys come to play or overshadowed by his comical, pretty little sister on occasion, even ignored by big sis and her friends, who he so likes to visit in her room. BUT, he is the one with whom I spend a lot of one on one time. This is a good thing. He needs that attention. He is just so sweet... and feisty. He is my affectionate boy - my super special helper - my sensitive, deep feeling companion - my cuddler who dances to the beat of his own drummer.

This year, he has already opened a big box of gifts from Grandma (and told her, gleefully, on the phone today how much he liked the bowling stuff and the light up toy among other things - I told her how, under his long bangs, he looked up with big, brown eyes and said in his raspy voice, "Can I open more presents? Where are they?" Soon, sweet boy :-), he will take birthday cupcakes to school tomorrow (last year he was sick on his treat day), he will go to Chick Fil-A and eat all the waffle fries and vanilla ice cream he can handle on his b-day (his choice), blow out a sparkly "5" candle, and open gifts from us, and.... we will fill out party invitations for the gymnastics party he has been REALLY wanting for a while ... though it will be after the New Year (which is fine with him), but it will be full of friends. It will be great.

Photos: Milo, the artist, and his Halloween witch - Milo "taking tea" - Milo on a cherished donut outing - and playing, hanging with Mommy and just being Milo :-).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kids have been up a while, now drawing something for which they are thankful at the dining room table (Enzo's idea when he got up this morning with me at 6am :-). We are doing quiche, bacon and cinnamon rolls while we watch the parade, having watched Madagascar and Kungfu Panda holiday specials all morning.

We cooked yesterday and will do so some more today - then will head off to see family. Yesterday, we picked our two boys up early - one in an "Indian head band" - one who had drawn "Indians" (one teacher remarked that it was hard to find anything "PC" on that, and I told her that my mother, who is part Native American - nearly half, called herself "Indian" - old school, I guess). We had taken our Lil to coffee earlier in the day then she helped me on my quest for pecans and whipping cream (both of which had sold out at Whole Foods when we were there). Our Olivia got home early too, AND, actually spent the day with us, baking and decorating some sugar cookies (Lil had picked out a "sugar cookie workshop" at Trader Joe's, and it worked really well... nice taste and consistency to the batter - easy to roll out - did not need to chill long - sugar in cool silvery colors - not quite enough icing - though, of course, I have both sugar cookie and icing recipes in my repertoire so all good...) - and the loveliness next to it is Haagen Daz new simple, 5 ingredient ice cream - this lemon is heaven - real lemon rind - cream - sugar - find something to put it on this holiday - pie - whatever - yum. It was a nice day - Enzo taught Milo how to trace his hand and make a turkey (like we all did as kids - and, see the photo on this page of Enzo's "bird" - not to be bested by lil bro yesterday, he did his own detailed bird drawing) - Olivia did shopping and dinner with friends (and one of the friends put this sweet little tidbit on her Facebook page - "so i had a dream last night.. it was about me and lilliana traveling the world and having conversations about cookies and imaginary friends. i woke up so happy" :-) in the evening while we cooked and watched movies at home.

Yesterday, I did see a photo of Olivia scroll by on our computer - it was her 10th birthday - we had a spa day planned for she and her friends (home spa). She was putting out treats on our dining room table, dressed in one of my Dad's old Goodyear sweatshirts. He had literally just died about a week before - we were just back from the funeral - but... Olivia had so looked forward to her birthday this year - double digits (10) so we went forward with our plans (knowing he would have wanted it that way - and, by the way, she wore that sweatshirt around the house everyday for weeks, keeping him close in her own way)! We were so sad, but so trying to move forward. It both hurt and felt very sweet to see that photo. Of course, we miss him today. I talked to my Mom yesterday - tried to approach the issue of the hostility we're having with my one brother - but I sensed she was thinking of my Dad and how it would be different with him here too, so.... tabled that discussion for another day.

I am thankful for my happy, healthy family. I am glad that my Mom is spending time where she is comfortable today. I am thankful that my hubby's family is being nice to me lately. It will be a good day. So... paper turkeys on the sill - food smells throughout the house - crayons, paper and markers already strewn about the table.... we begin our holiday.

A rainy one today (and sleet-y last night), so be careful on your respective paths to friends and family.

Will I ever get sick of this..... and... that?

On Sundays, I find myself organizing all the school stuff for Monday. Sure - I should have this all done way before Sunday afternoon, but... I believe in giving my kids a break from homework and other "business week" detail. I believe in giving myself such a break as well. Doesn't always work out that way, but I aim high ;-).

Anyway, going through Milo's preschool bag, emptying Enzo's back pack (in which I find a number of treasures like leaves from his nature walk at school - his new library book - a show n tell item long stuffed in the bottom - the banana he did not eat in after school, etc.), and even checking Lilliana's "morning out" lunchbox to make sure sippy cups are washed, baby wipes refilled..... CERTAINLY, properly washing Olivia's OC uniform - sweater vests, thick, shrinky polos and carefully hemmed skirts - is daunting at times, but comfortingly "regular" - one of my weekly things.

So - will I ever get tired of this? I mean, some days, I do. I just organized a bunch of paperwork; do I want to add more to the pile? It is over 60 degrees outside in late Nov, do I want to drag everyone inside to handle homework? No. But... I do want to plow through all this prep, ya know? I want to file old homework, I want to clear off the dining room table to make it family dinner-friendly, I want to make sure gloves and coats and gym shoes, etc. are in their proper spots, but.... I don't always have time. And... it sometimes feels mundane. I suppose someday, when Olivia is at college, I'll miss bugging her to do her chores - I'll miss washing those annoying uniforms, and when Enzo is no longer enamored of fallen leaves - I'll miss the dry, crunchy mess I pull out of his back pack weekly, and when Milo no longer wants to make up with me by drawing something fun we've done that day - I will have his drawings filed away appropriately - to look at. For Lil, everything is magical right now, and that "grown up time" seems so far away, but.... it will come too. I'll be ready. Right now, I'm going to enjoy my Sunday "school prep" :-).

And that is all I know today. I told you I've be back sporadically - posting as such. That went for lucidity as well, and today is not one of my good days ;-).

Tis the season ... ready or not.

Lil enjoys a holiday treat - Mommy begins tracking recently purchased holiday gift receipts in an envelope in her overstuffed bag (and... does partake of a iced soy chai for sustenance).

We purchase Pride and Prejudice for teen (school thing), a birthday club book for kindergartner (another school thing), a "Night Before Thanksgiving Book" for preschooler (he is learning to write his name and currently likes rhyming books and has been feeling left out of big bro's whirlwind lately, so ....), AND... a few little Christmas trinkets, strategically placed near cash register for Lil (thanks, Borders - sigh - at least the reindeer and the "goggy" can play together ;-).

We admire an artificial Christmas tree (yes, it really is sparkly and purple) and head to Whole Foods where we partake of their Monday special on rotisserie chicken and get some veggies (that included some loose sugar snap peas and limes thrown into Lil's basket) AND stock up on organic vanilla milk for packed lunches this week.

Mommy pauses by the clementines, making a mental note to buy some later and .... getting a little teary remembering Christmas with Mom and Dad in Luxembourg.

We head to school to pick up preschooler, and... pause by the golden leaves literally completely covering the front lawn of the school and remember that those same leaves - same bright gold - littered the ground when the 14 year old was only 5 (sniff and tears again remembering a photo taken by the cemetery gate - when the now big teenager wore an off-white sweater with pom poms and had curly, unruly hair to her waist).

Smile and move on as little Lil - the last of our wee ones - hands Mommy one of these beautiful leaves.

No insights today.... all vapid observations... because as you know... I am NOT truly "back" (wink wink).....

Oh the odd things we'll remember someday!

One scoop chocolate plain (Enzo - with a side o' milkshake)- one scoop chocolate with sprinkles (Lil) - one scoop vanilla with sprinkles (Milo - with a side o'gummy bears). And.... I still remember to this day, shopping the mall with Olivia at Lil's age - DQ vanilla cone, no sprinkles (now, she's all chocolate :-).

Random shots of our day at Children's Hospital for Milo's blood test (memories, memories, memories there - walking the halls for all our appointments with baby Milo - for a while, I knew some of the other regular patients, the nurses....) - ice cream later followed by library (where they just go nuts - no recent memories of story hour there as wee ones - Milo and Lil didn't care for it - Enzo and I had a yoga-packed schedule, BUT... I do have memories of infant Olivia crawling our library and bookstore floors in Virginia during our story hours there; she would steal the little vanilla cookies with holes in the middle from other kids - usually they all had them on their fingers like little rings :-).

Random and scattered today because my brain is still MIA ;-).