Calm?

Not really - but... we have a whole lot of togetherness going on. Everyone in the house all at once. Took my cold shower yesterday morning - took the whole brood to D's for lunch where my veggie dog was burned beyond tasty - was late to our original choice of movie, Megamind, because we were carting the teen back and forth from sleepover to lunch to house to shopping and had to see the Jack Black, Gulliver's Travels, which wasn't that good - spilled my chai tea latte in the theater (HUGE sticky puddle) - just one of those days......

Did get to relax and watch a Harry Potter movie with little ones late night - then... engaged in a midnight game of Scrabble with Olivia, Olivia B and hubby (should have photographed game board - we had words that I'm not sure were words.....) - snacked on homemade nutroll, cookies, and other holiday dinner leftovers all day - played with our new air hockey table and Hungry Hungry Hippos - got the boys signed into a ski school for MLK weekend - so..... mostly good. Ebb and flow - yin and yang ;-).

Enjoy time with those close to you this week if you can :-).

Ok - am I being punked?

HUGE build up to the Christmas show this year. I have NEVER seen Enzo so excited to play one of the three kings. We even have family coming - we know how to get a good seat - big sis, Olivia, is excited about going back to her old school to watch friends sing and to run into friends from her class last year - it is going to be a good time. And... all season we have been healthy and hearty, ready for any holiday activity. Until, that is, the first of the raging fevers hit yesterday - the second this morning.

Yesterday, I went out for the morning - I had Christmas shopping, a stop at the gym and a stop by Whole Foods for some yummy soup and crusty bread for dinner. The boys and Olivia happily went off to school - hubby to the dentist (me and Lil met him for coffee briefly) - and Lil was off to morning out. I got a call about halfway through my morning that Lil was "not herself", so I went to get her. As the day bore on, it was apparent that she had a terrible fever and was complaining of ear pain. A trip to the doctor's office - replete with odd orchestrations regarding who's driving who to gymnastics, texting about school assignments still due for the next day, and back and forth about what to feed everyone for dinner - revealed that it was just a fever - a virus of some kind. One restless night later, complete with two boys who need to pee all night then spend time giggling and loud-talking into the wee hours until hubby had to lay with them - the inflicted, Lil, who suddenly refused the Tylenol that she had lapped up earlier and had such a fit that she threw up and was burning up even more than before - plus she was covered with the sticky, sticky buckets of Tylenol she had just expertly spit out..... Anyway, I had to bathe her, and I was not happy (I was firmly telling the boys to stop talking. I was covered in sticky Tylenol and had a three year old absolutely kicking, screaming and crying, so I went into mean mommy mode - getting done what I needed to without emotion - telling both hubby and the kids to stand by, stay quiet and let me do what I needed to do - even yelling at the goof-balls - STILL awake and acting silly at 3:30 in the morning!!!!). I quickly popped her in the water - washed her gooey hair and poured water all over her to cool her even just a little bit. It worked. All dressed in new pjs, damp hair and much cooler all over, she settled into our bed.

All the kids were restless the rest of the night (not to mention, hubby's snoring and alarming sleep apnea and my back pain and perennial headaches - can anyone say stressed?), and we woke this morning to a whiny Lil who is still burning up and STILL refusing Tylenol - Enzo, still excited but a little confused about the logistics of the day - and, Milo... poor Milo, who was also sooooo looking forward to his Christmas sing-along in preschool tomorrow... he is now burning up as well - though, happily drinks his Tylenol (we can't do Motrin because of his kidney issue... even though it might work better) and, usually, is pretty animated once he starts to feel better. Poor guy. At all costs, I'm going to make sure he makes that performance tomorrow :-). Now.... about tonight (and Olivia HAS to go - the 9th graders look forward to this return to the old stomping ground).... we have no back-up, so... we'll see - don't want to subject sick kids to just anyone.... a lot to ask. Poor cupcakes - not their fault :-(.

Anyway, the photo is of last year's performance and last year's three kings. Fingers crossed that I make it this year.

Do over!

As in the morning... the day... whatever. I am looking forward to some kind of take-out tonight (St. Bede fundraiser at Shadyside Boston Market, so....) - I am done with editing for the day and getting positive feedback - I have a happy 3 and 5 year old in the house today (albeit high maintenance - water in the tv room - peanut butter on the wall - broken toy in a heap in the corner....)- hubby and I have Christmas shopping plans this Sat. (and, as an aside, I saved about $70 at Pottery Barn Kids today by purchasing a sale item that is almost identical to the original "I want this" request - AND I saved over $50 at Mini Boden's sale the other day, buying a dandelion colored winter dress coat for Lil - though I did miss out on the super cool, nubby scarf, hat and mittens in teal that I thought would look great with it - sales sell out.... get moving!) - we have Christmas pageants this week .... A lot to look forward to.

Photo: My cupcakes on Thanksgiving morning this year.

Drowning

... in a sea of fighting kids, laundry piles, school paperwork, family crap so bad I have hives, insomnia that persists because life is too hectic to continue implementation of my "cure"....

The fighting between my kids is out of control - the demands from my high schooler sometimes seem too much - the fact that my boys have decided that they will not go to their toy, movie and fun-filled bedroom AT ALL during the day and, instead, want to lay around the tv room (too humid outside) while I work around them (weeks of play have left me with a lot to do this week and next) is MADDENING - and makes for a messy, inefficient living space complete with dirty carpets, sticky floors and a musty couch (not to mention, a two year old lost in the shuffle and a high schooler fed up with it all). Hubby works A LOT these days, and... I am left alone - a lot on my mind - tremendous lower back pain (which they say is stress-related and in your head 90% of the time - snap out of it, Sher!). Half the time over the past few weeks, I make dinner and no one but my little ones show up. Last night, hubby and I DID show up - we sat (Olivia at sleepover with four friends - Kelly, Caroline, Olivia B, Olivia Z) and tried to eat while Milo screamed and refused food - Lil was up and down during the whole meal (then cried at meal's end when she realized her plate had been cleared) - Enzo wouldn't sit on his seat and wolfed food down, anxious to get back to the damn Wii - they ALL talked over us and demanded anything from vanilla milk to a "new spoon" every 30 seconds - they engaged in potty talk at the table despite repeated reprimands - they laughed when I attempted discipline. I mean... I'm going through closets right now - desperately needs to get done if we are going to get all these kids' bedrooms organized for start of schoolyear - and, after being interrupted, yelled for, subjected to tantrums or fights every 5 minutes for a stretch of hours yesterday (they will NOT occupy themselves with anything productive - despite my direction - despite access to all sorts of stuff - maybe this is just too much summer - don't know), I sat, hands shaking, near tears, hot, sleepless, foodless and just... totally wrung out ... for a bit, trying to collect my thoughts. I couldn't. I'm really stressed (though my momentary breakdown prompted a fun indoor game of hide n seek - exactly what I WANT them to do!). Sigh. I feel awful.

Last night, I did get to take a drive (picking Olivia and pals up from movie) - listen to music, roll my windows down and breathe a bit (that on the heels of my boys wanting to look at comic books with me pre-bedtime - plus, have to admit, Lil was my "fairy buddy" all day yesterday). I reflected on an absurd argument I had with Olivia earlier (though she did offer me Starbucks as I was on my way to get them, which made me feel like maybe everything was OK) - a nice phone conversation with my cousin - a chat with my Mom - how hubby seemed overworked but attentive to me. All good.

Anyway .... need a break. The post I composed this am was far too "rant-y" - probably warranted - but also probably best left for another day. I will gain perspective and return, refreshed ;-).

Can you relate?

Trying desperately tonight to tell myself that reading library books to my boys on our steamy third floor after making a creamy chicken casserole, powering through 2 or 3 loads of laundry, promising a sports physical AND a uniform shopping trip for my soon-to-be high schooler for tomorrow, and playing dollies with my two year old earlier warrants a full, productive day. And... I am having a hard time with that. Feeling very unprofessional, pointless, out of the loop and left behind. I do need this blog - even if no one is reading me this summer. I need it so much. It appears to be my only outlet for personal expression. I'm really NOT going to ask for input.... my headline was just a rant. I need a break.

Redemption: An Update

This morning found me and my three little ones lying in a tangle of quilts and sheets on our "big bed". Enzo had wandered down first just after Daddy left for work. He woke Olivia for me - who needed to get up, grab a day old donut, find a clean towel and head to swim practice. With the two little ones still fast asleep, she got a ride from her "bestie" this am .. the pool is only a few minutes away. Tonight, Edgewood swims against old rival, Forest Hills, who is now in a different league, so... it's a fun meet. Just back from practice, Olivia tells me she is swimming the wet t-shirt relay and a combo of back and breast stroke in another event (other highlights will include an "underwater breast stroke" and a "corkscrew" event - should be fun). Anyway ..... The two little ones finally got up. Milo grabbed his milk and lay down next to me and Enzo... then... we saw Lil's messy head appear at the foot of the bed. We are calm today - eating toast and jelly - drinking juice and coffee - watching an old Harry Potter (and I LOVE Harry Potter and JK Rowling - that whole series has followed Olivia perfectly - saw the first one in kindergarten with her.... will keep watching as they come out) - will buy a book later for a friend's b-day party tomorrow.

Yesterday worked out OK. Olivia and a friend worked out with me at the gym - little ones loved the play area so much, they didn't want to leave. We did a fast food lunch, guilt-free (and, yes, I realize we are all about the junk food this week, AND, NO - I did not partake - while I am not going entirely low fat, I am not doing junk - but, M, if you're still reading this summer, I need some of your much-missed "monkey platters"!!) then just like totally tackled the afternoon. They helped me weed the vegetable garden - wash the van's dirty, dirty floor mats - straighten the basement a bit - clean the tv room... THEN, we made lemonade, popped popcorn and got a movie going. In that zen-like state of organization and cool calm, we decided to go outside and play. They like running around and attempting their version of tag with the neighbors OR a pretend play that I can't really follow (all good - I don't want to follow - quite like it when they find that imaginative, parent-free "zone"). On my mobile with my Mom, I ended up tailing Lilliana as she ran after the others down the street - to the neighbor's on the corner where the kids tackled the swingset then ran inside to play. I ended up getting to know my neighbors a little better over guacamole, wine and ice water. We were asked to dinner, but I didn't think Milo would eat salmon and pesto - though it looked yummy, yummy, yummy. I thought I was going to spend a long boring evening waiting for hubby who was working late, but, instead, I had conversation with a nice couple who I usually only see in passing or at our block party. Cool.

In hindsight, I think that using a firm hand (or voice, rather) in the morning DID establish some control. I find it interesting that the "hard labor" we engaged in as a family led to zen calm and an open demeanor that allowed for new experiences later in the day. As you know, I lean towards free-range - though, I am a worrier so will NOT, for example, let my two year run down the street after the older kids. I WILL go with her. My four year old often fashions dangerous looking toys out of rope and semi-sharp weapon-like objects from the house; points for ingenuity, but... I will NOT let him play with them (most of the time) - take a picture - choose a safe toy. I mean I don't get nuts with the worry, but... I do, for example, thoroughly wash the potential salmonella off Enzo's hands after he helps me make eggs - I let Milo push the coffee grinder button but then put it waaaay out of reach so the temptation to work on it himself does not present itself. Within reason, I let them explore. And.... if any of you have read some of my comments / posts on the free range blog, I do not mind indoor play (love the zip line at my kids' gymnastics studio - dig indoor climbing walls - do not see a problem with sand and water tables, etc.) like some "free-rangers" do. I also am not a fan of sending my little ones anywhere when they have to navigate dangerous streets. And, in my opinion, they are all dangerous. On my quiet little urban street, people regularly run the stop sign, so... Digressing. I feel a post for later a'comin' ;-). Stay tuned.

Actually slept well last night. I have implemented some of the advice I was given (some involving chamomile tea and dealing with my worries WHILE I workout - both of which I did yesterday - which is probably why I reported tears on the treadmill during one of my responses to you all - and thanks for all that, btw, S & T - thanks, A, for showing me YOUR crazy eyes in person - thanks for supportive texts too - you know who you are :-) - AND... quick retail note here - I love, love, love my Bath and Body Works pillow spray in the Warm Milk and Honey scent - thanks, kiddies, from Mother's Day). Anyway.... starting to get my worries under control (and they range from the odd - like not finishing photo albums or thinking about a lost toy to irrational thoughts about camp, school uniform and other expenses that I know we can easily handle, but... I don't like how money flows out of the house like water at times....). This week, I may snap again since hubby is off to New York for a photo shoot, but... I'm working on it, as we all are, right?

So ... off I go - chocolate milk for Enzo, steamer for Olivia, apple for Milo and grapes for Lil. I need to buy a vat of laundry detergent to get through the piles of laundry in this house, and .... I'm OK with that :-). Ebb and flow... ebb and flow.....

Photos: More summer zen - all at grandma's house a week or so ago.