18 September 2010

What's in your pocket?

Ok - so I love finding little bits of the past in unexpected places. I think I recently blogged about a drawing that my Mom, Olivia and I had done years ago when Olivia was a toddler or preschooler - dated it, put our names on it - and it was hiding in with some unused art supplies in Lilliana's room. Happy find. Most days, I can excavate something interesting from an area in our house. Last week, it was a shirt of Enzo's - one that he wore when he was only one or two years old or so - and it had fallen behind the drawers in his dresser and was just recently starting to cause a problem with one of the drawers shutting, so... I finally yanked it out - so cute. Another happy find. This week, it has been all about my pockets....

A couple of days ago, I grabbed a pair of yoga pants that I had discarded over the arm of the rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom. I had school drop off, and I just grabbed anything I could put on quickly. In that pocket was a little scrap of paper with the style number of Lilliana's Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre leotard scribbled on it (for her very first dance class) - and another scrap of paper with some hastily written directions to Olivia's first away field hockey game on it. Both of these would be fabulous finds for me in a year or so but, alas, yoga pants need to be washed often, so... no chance for that. Jackets are a different story, however. In my jean jacket pocket this morning, I scored big - I found the lamb's wool that Enzo handed me on a field trip last year - chilly spring day - surrounded by his friends and beloved teachers - out in the country - just Enzo and Mommy :-). I also found the folded up "agenda" from Olivia's freshman orientation this year - just a few weeks ago but, again, a big happy score for me!

So ... do I keep these things on purpose - these tokens or momentos of a moment or feeling so brief but so special, it hurts to throw it away? The moment passes - Enzo hands me the lamb's wool to eat his packed lunch with his friends on picnic tables and I, perusing the happy scene, take a mental picture and tuck it away for when I'll need a "warm, fuzzy" moment. I enter the high school cafeteria for the first and last time as a NEW PARENT - the first time I am actually the parent of a freshman, see Olivia with her friends, take the xeroxed agenda and... tuck it inside my pocket, keeping that split second in time close to me for as long as I want to? Probably. I think I do. And why not?

I mean, I have the dried flowers that my Milo has given me in past weeks on the driver side door to my van. Again, these sweet, spontaneous moments of "here, Mommy" - sticky little hand holding this tiny, weedlike flower up for me to take - so proud - a true, pure token of his love - in that moment. I have the capless acorn that Lilliana gave me in front of the school the other day, telling me it was "groken" - which is the way she says "broken", and... that's what hits me, I think. How long will she be baby-like - mispronouncing words, needing help down the steep cement stairs, wanting to hang with Mommy all day? Not long.

Today, at ballet, we added stickers to those already in Lil's little dance bag (we even added the parking receipt from our errands after class - I WANT to remember the day Lil just HAD to pay a dime to get her OWN parking receipt while we were rushing to get to soccer with snack for the kids - I want to dig that little slip of paper out someday and smile ;-). The dance bag, by the way, was Olivia's as a preschooler - the old stickers are hers. I love them. I will leave them there along with the little hair scrunchy I found - a sparkly one - inappropriate for our sedate ballet class right now, but... perfect for lil sis, Lilliana, to wear home when class is over - carrying on that tradition from years ago that... well .... feels like yesterday. Ya know?

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