09 August 2010

It's close ... but it's not another food post...


So ... we spent the day weeding the yard yesterday and laying sand down over our brick patio. Marcello had the boys weeding with him - though they had their little Knight and dragon characters with them (Milo keeps his dragon with him all the time - sleeps with him to scare the bedbugs away :-) and would cool of with Lilliana in the water table now and then. I actually have them help me around the house too - mostly because they like to - and I usually just allow them to make the rounds with the feather duster or push the light vacuum - water the plants - that kind of thing (Lil likes to help unload the dishwasher and they all like to help cook and bake). We also hold Olivia to some "chores" - she has to clean her room - she has to help vacuum - help with the dinner dishes, etc. (the little ones also like to set the table - especially Enzo for some reason - Milo is my vacuuming fiend - it's so funny - I'll hear the vacuum in the other room and come in to see this little chubby guy pushing it - he likes it - what can I say?).

Anyway, I'm never sure how I feel about "chores". I do think, at 14, Olivia should clean her own room. I do get frustrated that she seems to want me to figure out how to store all of her clothes and other items, when - at that age - I did it myself. She seems to think that her room is small and, truthfully, even though I lived in roomier, newer suburban houses growing up, I still had a smaller room for most of my life (I admit, when I was a junior in high school, I did finally get a bigger room - but... it came with a price - I mean, we moved a lot. Digressing...). So... her room does not have a closet (100 + year old house), but we did get her a big armoire and she uses ALL of the lower shelves and most of the floor space in the hall closet. Not ideal, but.... you make it work in these older houses (and we do have plans to get her some new furniture). For the most part, she keeps this "little" room neat and clean.

So ... the little ones were helping yesterday - and.... they got hot and tired and wanted to play. For me, I think - OK - age appropriate time for a "chore" - probably 10 or 15 min (4 and 5 years old) - goof around with the toy shovel - get their hands a little dirty - "help" move the weed pile (such action items always make them feel like "big boys"). But... hubby actually wants them to execute the weed pulling properly - gets ever so slightly irritated when they want to come in and have lunch or a drink ('they've only been out here a few minutes!"). He and I were raised differently in that respect. I had a very industrious father from a working class family who, despite his executive success later in life, would still paint the entire house himself - do all of his own yardwork (he DID have a fancy sprinkler system installed, though) - build decks - tackle all sorts of home improvement tasks, etc. AND - he and my mom kept a pristine home - just perfect - clean, efficient, organized. Hubby has told me before that his Dad, an oncologist, did not even know how to change a furnace filter and hired everyone for his household chores. He was not a yard guy either. Also, his Mom grew up on a farm and expected work from kids - especially her girls, BUT her house was disaster - food all over the kitchen - dirty laundry piles - tables cluttered with paperwork and other items - very messy - very disorganized. Our house, as a result, is a mix of both. Beyond that, we have very different views on how to "work" the kids. Yes - when we painted, my Dad did teach me to edge - or made me paint the ceiling - he showed me how to thoroughly wash my car - my brothers mowed the lawn - BUT, as kids, I think we just brought him beer while he mowed the lawn or got sudsy washing the car. In fact, I don't remember any REAL "chores" until we were older - grade school / middle school-ish.

So ... when is it appropriate do you think? What do you guys do with your kids and at what age? Is it all part of their learning experience? Is it too much? Do they need to learn this discipline or do they need to take more of an observation - type stance? Jury is out for me...... Help?

All in all, a good day (and here's the food part ;-) - after a short time at the pool to cool off, we grilled cheeseburgers and twice-baked potatoes - made a quick salad from our CSA veggies and our own garden and ate at the table as a family (all six of us together - this has been a theme for a few days (hard sometimes with the odd summer schedule).... lunch after camp pick-up with Olivia on Saturday led to more family time later in the day - big breakfast together Sunday morning - pool, dinner - so nice). Later, we built a fire in the fire pit, set up some chairs, roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. Olivia taught Enzo the proper technique for getting the chocolate to melt - Daddy showed Milo how to toast a marshmallow (which Milo would then feed me - the "brown" marshmallows were suspect at first - THEN, he tasted one :-) - Lil was dressed like a fairy (complete with a star wand) and wandered the yard, happy to be with everyone (she fell asleep in that sweet little fairy costume :-). Later, they all caught lightening bugs and hula-hooped - Enzo brought Olivia some water (odd note, I realize, but I love it when they are attentive to each other) - so Milo brought me some (and, for the record, he thinks we were "camping" ;-).... just funny family stuff (will definitely make this a regular "thing" - had wanted our neighbors to join us, but their kids have school today, so.... next time - definitely, M :-). Anyway, all this made up for no call back from my mom again - an afternoon with my mother-in-law during which she listed for me all her oldest daughter's "grievances" against me .... the OTHER unfortunate side of family (and, by all means, friends, weigh in on that too ;-).

Photo: The boys - some summer night at dusk - more family time.... last month maybe....

Oh - and check out the Serious Eats blog (my blog list :-) for a Next Food Network Star update .....

6 comments:

TKW said...

Toasted marshmallows, fireflies and hula hoops? Summer at your house rocks--chores or not.

Emily said...

Of course, I am not a parent, so it's hard for me to weigh in, though I do have opinions based on my growing up experience. And that is that by 14, I did my own laundry and I had to help with dishes. By about 16, I was cutting the grass. I picked up around the house and was definitely responsible for my own room. But my experience was also nutty - single mom, incredibly messy house (so eventually it came down to if I didn't do something, it wouldn't get done). And by age 15, it was just me and Mom because my sister was in college and my brother had moved in with my dad. I do generally think, I will admit, that when I read about all you do, that it seems that Olivia could take some of that burden off of you with the younger kids. However, that is just an impression from very far away. I have no idea what it's like to live with a normal family, two parents, a mom who is able to stay at home, etc. And I know Olivia is still a kid, too, and you are very devoted to her. So what the heck do I really know? :-)

Sherri said...

No - I totally agree, Emily. In fact, just for being part of this family, we feel that she is partly responsible for her younger siblings in that we enlist her help with them now and then. Oddly (because often we differ in opinion on this topic), we both agree (Marcello and I, that is) that she, obviously, isn't entirely responsible for the situation (3 little ones), so... she does get her social time - and... it trumps out babysitting needs most of the time - though, we do hold her to some babysitting - her room - dinner dishes - occasionally the dishwasher - and, if she wants a "special" outfit and needs something "off schedule", she does her own laundry and is expected to throw in whatever else should go in (even if it belongs to another kid). The little ones, though? I just can't seem to remember WHEN I started my own "chores" - or even how I implemented Olivia's. Jury is out too on whether or not she should get more in her allowance for going above and beyond (because, of course, we'll have to implement the same tactics with the others). Thanks for your input - really - within my group of local friends (I know some of you will comment on this later ;-), there are HUGE differences in what people are expected to do - one of Olivia's peers does nothing and mom pays for everything - another does "chores" and often pays for her own lunches out or extra toiletries (in addition to her own shopping, etc.). Hmm......

Sue said...

I made a list of chores anyone in my house could do: walk dog, vacuum, sweep hall & steps, sweep kitchen, sweep bathrooms, take out garbage, swiffer wood floors, play catch (baseball season), practice drums, water flowers. The goal for me was not to have a cleaning service, but to have tasks the kids could do plus feel good about helping. Sara earns her cell phone every month by doing these. They both get credit for babysitting themselves for a hour or so. They agree to behave and not fight with each other while we are gone. I think giving kids small chores helps them feel like they are a part of the team.

Sherri said...

Much better said than what I attempted - the "team" approach :-) - exactly. I, too, expect Olivia to practice her lacrosse during the season - run certain mornings during that season ... plus tackle the stuff that helps her keep her space cool and fun and clean.... same with the boys - is the floor of your room clean at bedtime (i.e. no blocks - no legos, etc.)? Milo - you're good at this - enzo, you do this, etc. I forgot to mention in my post that while Marcello's mom felt that putting kids to work or getting them out in the garden for fresh air and dirt under their nails was important (more so than swimming at the pool or even homework in her eyes), she did not emphasize personal development via sports or activities - nor did they really get any personal privileges (big NO to organized sports - big YES to big shopping sprees or trips to Disney - but the little things that matter a lot to kids like a cell phone, a week at camp, etc. - BIG NO to all that) - whereas, with my family - my Dad felt that sports and extracurricular interests were important - my mom pushed reading and appreciation for history, fine dining - her "things" - and all that factored into out daily disciplines. I like that - believe it wholeheartedly. Well said, Sue - about the "playing catch" as part of the "chores" - the feel good, accomplishment stuff. Actually, I should post some Facebook and email comments I got too (and one phone call).... we, as Mom's appear to be ON IT with this stuff.

Sherri said...

And - thanks, TKW - really felt that we rocked last night .... patted ourselves on the back and.... ate another marshmallow ;-).