04 August 2010

On a recipe roll... and feel a rant coming on (a warning ;-)

OK - so last night - or wee hours this am, rather - I found myself sleepless again. Again, thanks, all, for your suggestions and remedies - I am trying them out - in particular, one plan that WAS working (thanks, E), but... after talking to my neighbor about press handstands the other day (yeah - you heard that right), I had to try one out (aging gymnasts must .... um .... lose their minds ;-). I had told him that I impressed my daughter and her friend on the beach last year, and... it occurred to me.... I could do it last year, BUT can I do it THIS year? So I tried - and, yes, made it into the straddle BUT.... an hour or so later during my workout, my back hurt (upper right side). And... hurt all night.

OK - so dumb story of the day out of the way.... I was working on my writing resume - very early am, and... began reading some blogs I follow. I stopped by Callapitter. If you don't know Amy there, you should. Amy lost her beautiful children in a car accident not even a year a half ago. They were 6 and 4 when they died - Kate and Peter. Amy lives near me, but... that's not why I was drawn to her. She is creative - a talented cook, an urban developer and a great writer / blogger. She is a fantastic mom and, beyond all that, has an adventurous spirit that I truly admire. But I am, as usual, digressing... Anyway, I read how she was really missing her sweet kids yesterday - overwhelmed with sadness, as will be the case for a long time, I'm sure. I cried, as I usually do. I wished them back for her, and... I just railed at the injustice of it all. Her point with her post (aside from sharing her very real feelings) was, partly, that she would so much like to break up a fight between the two of them, complain about school not starting soon enough because they are driving her nuts, take them swimming, hold them. And, she can't anymore. Of course, so many of us do that everyday and .... not that we take it for granted.... but I don't think we celebrate those small moments enough - think about our good life - remain thankful for what we have. And we should.

Now... in typical "me" fashion, my mind did wander. I lay next to sleeping hubby and Lil, who had sleepily toddled out of her room asking for milk earlier. I had put her next to me in bed and stroked her hair until she slept again. Similarly, I had to help Enzo to the bathroom, AND... as usual, Milo had been up until 10 pm, claiming that Enzo was snoring and he couldn't sleep ;-). Anyway, I was teary - insomnia brings all sorts of odd worries to light - plus I had just read Amy's post - and.... I started to get angry. I cried - for little Kate and Peter - for my Dad - for my beautiful friend who lost her warm, handsome,creative husband at just over 40, soulmates for sure - for Olivia's school buddy who just lost her dad; second grade, swimming with friends all summer, loving her life, and her young dad dies - for my friends gone too soon, one leaving behind twin toddlers - for my other friends who have lost truly beloved parents who championed their every move and who now know deep loneliness at times ..... I cried because sometimes - even though I am "grown up", I still feel like an outcast (having just gone to the Oakland Catholic orientation where I found myself, end of night, alone, watching Olivia interact with friends and "cooler" parents - of course, like an idiot, I had just grabbed a macaroon and a lemonade and had to stand and eat / drink alone - memories of many loser teenager moments crept back into my head and remained there until I had discarded my treat and hurried into the hall where I felt "safe" - all dressed up and no one to talk to - oh well - for the record, I did remind myself, right then, how great my life was despite silly social snubs or .... well... awkwardness on my part ;-). And then - yeah - anger.

So ... I couldn't help but let my mind wander to those family members, on both hubby's side and mine, who can't seem to behave (wasted time - wasted energy). And ... I mean the behavior is baaaaaaad - shockingly so - from parents, a number of our siblings, etc. We have other family members, friends, etc. who also notice, but ... remain powerless to "help" us. It is very difficult. It is what keeps me up at night. Like I said, I feel a true rant coming....

So ... in the spirit of cherishing what I have, I did take the kids to the Pittsburgh Zoo yesterday where Lil squealed and skipped about, amazed at the animals she was seeing "in person". Truthfully, I have VERY mixed feelings about zoos, but... support ours here because I do like to see the animals cared for - I do like to see the public educated. My boys love the zoo, and they had a fantastic time - really enjoyed the shark encounter (which was, actually, super cool - they are big guys - 7 or 8 feet long - big teeth that come right at you in the glass) - and all their other favorite haunts (we used to go all the time pre-Lil and when she was an infant, but... had not been in a while).

So ... here is your reward for reading through my 4 am musings.... A quick and easy recipe: Chop eggplant, tomato, onion - add salt, pepper, rosemary, oregano, olive oil - toss in bowl then spread on baking sheet - bake at 400 degrees for about 20 min - take from oven and toss with freshly grated parmesan cheese. Serve. Yummy. Because I did not get to the beef recipe that I wanted to (may try tonight or tomorrow and report back), here is something tasty to try.... a fairly new area Mexican restaurant.

Photos: The wee ones hanging this week without their big sis, Olivia (strawberries make it ALL seem better ;-) - though..... we did draw some pictures and "write" to her yesterday, so..... she'll get a little piece of home in a day or so.

Top Chef tonight on Bravo! I'll be watching...


Sue said...

Your post...paragraph three.
I know those feelings all too well and late nights bring them on so strong.
I miss people even here on Earth. I have to email and get on planes to connect with those I feel so close to because it doesn't happen at school events for me either.
But I do relish my little family so much and wonder in between doing laundry, filling out school forms and picking up dry cleaninng where I would be without them.

Sherri said...

Marcello and I always talk about how we love what we have - despite dealing with loss and family crap and social climbers. As you know, I, too, miss people here on Earth - just CANNOT find time to be away as my little fam is not very self-sufficient and disaster ensues when I am not around for even a day. We ARE lucky, aren't we (though I can hear my boys in a real knockdown drag-out fight upstairs right now :-)? Anyway, I did get some emails from people - one who felt the same way I did at the orientation - another who tried to guess who the snubbers might be. Truthfully, I never feel really snubbed - I just often do not fit, for whatever reason - and I am not "important" so no one seeks me out either (because, usually, most people around me have more friends anyway) - like I am not the one that anyone saves a seat for or calls to do something - never, in fact. Well.... a couple people do ... but, again, they have soooo much more going on in terms of friendships than I do. Oh well. And - yeah - late nights - don't you just miss people to the point of unbearable?