10 August 2010


... in a sea of fighting kids, laundry piles, school paperwork, family crap so bad I have hives, insomnia that persists because life is too hectic to continue implementation of my "cure"....

The fighting between my kids is out of control - the demands from my high schooler sometimes seem too much - the fact that my boys have decided that they will not go to their toy, movie and fun-filled bedroom AT ALL during the day and, instead, want to lay around the tv room (too humid outside) while I work around them (weeks of play have left me with a lot to do this week and next) is MADDENING - and makes for a messy, inefficient living space complete with dirty carpets, sticky floors and a musty couch (not to mention, a two year old lost in the shuffle and a high schooler fed up with it all). Hubby works A LOT these days, and... I am left alone - a lot on my mind - tremendous lower back pain (which they say is stress-related and in your head 90% of the time - snap out of it, Sher!). Half the time over the past few weeks, I make dinner and no one but my little ones show up. Last night, hubby and I DID show up - we sat (Olivia at sleepover with four friends - Kelly, Caroline, Olivia B, Olivia Z) and tried to eat while Milo screamed and refused food - Lil was up and down during the whole meal (then cried at meal's end when she realized her plate had been cleared) - Enzo wouldn't sit on his seat and wolfed food down, anxious to get back to the damn Wii - they ALL talked over us and demanded anything from vanilla milk to a "new spoon" every 30 seconds - they engaged in potty talk at the table despite repeated reprimands - they laughed when I attempted discipline. I mean... I'm going through closets right now - desperately needs to get done if we are going to get all these kids' bedrooms organized for start of schoolyear - and, after being interrupted, yelled for, subjected to tantrums or fights every 5 minutes for a stretch of hours yesterday (they will NOT occupy themselves with anything productive - despite my direction - despite access to all sorts of stuff - maybe this is just too much summer - don't know), I sat, hands shaking, near tears, hot, sleepless, foodless and just... totally wrung out ... for a bit, trying to collect my thoughts. I couldn't. I'm really stressed (though my momentary breakdown prompted a fun indoor game of hide n seek - exactly what I WANT them to do!). Sigh. I feel awful.

Last night, I did get to take a drive (picking Olivia and pals up from movie) - listen to music, roll my windows down and breathe a bit (that on the heels of my boys wanting to look at comic books with me pre-bedtime - plus, have to admit, Lil was my "fairy buddy" all day yesterday). I reflected on an absurd argument I had with Olivia earlier (though she did offer me Starbucks as I was on my way to get them, which made me feel like maybe everything was OK) - a nice phone conversation with my cousin - a chat with my Mom - how hubby seemed overworked but attentive to me. All good.

Anyway .... need a break. The post I composed this am was far too "rant-y" - probably warranted - but also probably best left for another day. I will gain perspective and return, refreshed ;-).


Leslie said...

I wish I could write an eloquent comment that would let you know that I am *right there* at that same point you are, but every time I try I'm interrupted!

Actually, it's not so bad now because my older kiddo is back in school (thank you year-round schedule), so I get a slight reprieve from the bickering. However, when he gets home, there is all that stored-up brother energy that ignites at the first hint of friction.

But the organizing, and the mountains of clothes, and the figuring out of the sizes and the needs, and the piles of stuff that I need to go through if I could just. get. twenty. minutes. strung. together.

Are there any drop-in childcare places there? I have used a couple here occasionally--usually when I have a meeting or doctor's appointment. However, I feel a little more sane just knowing that I could drop them off for a couple of hours if necessary.

I'm wrestling with planning the soon-to-be five year old's birthday party--his first *friend* party. We've done family-only parties for him until now, but that's not gonna fly this year--not when his big bro has done laser tag!

As soon as I make a few phone calls on that front, I've got to start working on the oodles of crap piled up in the guest room because my mom's coming for a visit in a couple of weeks, and it's going to take me that long to find the bed in there.

Sherri said...

Totally appreciate this, Leslie. DOES help to know others are in the same boat - otherwise, it SEEMS that everyone else is handling it so much better than I am. I write this as Milo waves and Indiana Jones Wii game in front of my face - have just returned from a field hockey equipment buying trip where Lil had one of those crack your head on the floor tantrums followed by a "melty" on the way out the automatic door..... There with you in spirit, sister!