Day 1 trying to grab this elusive confidence thing...

... and I'm really not going to pontificate for long today. Really. I have far too much to say - far too much going on in my head - and, of course, far too much going on already in the house this morning.

Suffice to say that I am struggling with the insomnia again. I have been working on it. One long ago friend did give me a great "cure" recently in that it also provided me my much-needed pre-sleep downtime and forced me to implement some me time and some nightly disciplines (well - if tea and wine are disciplines ;-). He had suggested working out in the evening to clear my head - and... while I kept to an earlier day workout (just kids' schedules right now), I did do the no food after a certain hour, chamomile tea (though substituted hot chocolate one night when my daughter wanted some -and - fyi - despite the extra fat to digest and the bits of sugar and caffeine - it worked too - must be the warm milk thing), red wine (had a few bottles started at recent dinners or whatever and were sitting around and made it through them - little sips at a time - in fact, need more (and can say that this component also seemed to alleviate my back pain a bit as did the workout). Anyway.... it was working - IS working, really.... I watched my Top Chef last night (and, btw, Angelo is lucky that Alex is so incompentent or he may have been gone for his store-bought puff pastry choice) - did part of the "routine" and feel asleep, but... when something wakes me at 4 am or so, I'm up.

Anyway - on LinkedIn, my hubby enjoys great success, but I have actually had people view my profile and turn me away. Less than half of the "people I might know" have responded to me. Failure. I suspected as much. Also, revamping my resume for feedback has brought feedback that is just beyond me right now - more bullet points under positions that I would rather forget - drop things that I feel might lead me into my dream jobs of fashion or the arts (don't pay, right? :-( and, therefore, I want to keep! Ugh.... worries for another day. Can say this, though - looks like my position as CEO of the Home is impressing NO ONE right now.

Yesterday, I took Olivia's uniform skirts to be hemmed - after pinning and measuring part of the morning away. I shopped b-day presents for some of her friends - one on her way to Shadyside Academy while Olivia goes to Oakland Catholic (they are writing one another long sentimental letters and, I'm sure, will still stay close) - we also shopped bras and underwear at Target (where I found Enzo and Milo trying on bras and saying they had "lady boobs" - I have no words....), food for dinner (does hummus count?).... did lunch in the mall food court while picking up photos - just a day of errands, which I suspect I will continue today. On the weight loss front... I did NOT make it to the gym :-(, but... I did miss dinner (just got too late... field hockey carpool complete with uniform deposits and other forms to turn in - rearranging Lil's room to create new play areas while I go through my own paperwork, photos, etc. .... think I forgot until I woke with grumbly stomach - ever do that?).

So ... long story short, I wish I could find a way to boost my confidence - with job search, etc. Just not in the cards right now. I'm kinda in a holding pattern, and... that's fine. Anyone else feeling this way?

Photo: The stairs to the "clubhouse". Think we'll go there today too :-).

Oh - and I think my Krups coffeemaker / cappuccino maker died today - after MANY years together. Anyone have a suggestion for a replacement or should I just go with the tried and true?

One last thing.... Do you watch Project Runway? OK - I do sometimes. Anyway, here's a story on judge, Nina Garcia, who is beautiful, stylish, successful (editor in chief of Marie Claire, right?), and... 45 years old..... and pregnant with her second child. So there, those who think 40 is the end of beauty and life choices and style.... blah blah blah...