I have the best intentions...

.. but I keep messing up. I started today in a great mood - woke snuggling with my non-snuggler, started happily organizing "stuff", was hanging out with my kids, had breakfast and lunch under control, was not bothered by laundry, had some great baby and preschool friendly art projects going, got everyone occupied and playing.....

Ugh - I think I'm trying to pat myself on the back, and I shouldn't. See - I screw everything up. Lately, I say the wrong things all the time to the people closest to me, and... what's worse is.... I don't even realize I'm doing it...... I feel a distance like I haven't felt in a long time, and... what's pathetic is.... I wander my days trying to be a good wife and mommy (daughter, sister, friend, etc.) yet I spend huge amounts of time worrying and trying to make amends (no one is ever interested). Maybe I'm trying too hard.... I do get freakishly tense lately.....

So - anyone? Or is this just "me" :-(. I feel um ... not bad... not inadequate.... can't quite find words for this place I'm in ..... I mean... maybe I'm looking in the wrong direction. Maybe it's connections I'm missing - maybe I'm just bruised because I'm not the type people reach out to - maybe I am reacting appropriately (saying things that should be said but maybe not with the best of timing or verbiage).... I don't know. This is a comprehensive thing lately - not one person - not one situation - just that "operating in a vacuum" feeling again....