A happy birthday

So my youngest turns two tomorrow. I still feel like she's my baby. I don't mind that she won't kick her bottle habit - or that she still fusses at night on occasion, making it necessary for me to take her downstairs where I sleep on the couch, and she lies on a little round cushion next to me on the floor all snuggled in comfy baby girl blankies (we call this her "dog bed":-). I don't mind her odd little grazing eating habits or that we can't quite understand her yet or that she still has dramatic sobbing, lie on the ground tantrums (usually - mostly, I like how she "makes up" with me - head on my shoulder, patting my back). I really don't mind how clingy she is with me (even though dinner prep or just walking out the door to get something from the car can be difficult when she's experiencing her separation issues ;-).

I sat with her tonight - warm fall evening - leaves blowing - wind chimes on the air - faint sound of neighbors voices down the street - smell of a nearby barbeque. I watched her play in the crunchy leaves, stare down the light up Halloween ghosties in the front yard, pat all the pumpkins, jump in our leaf pile - just play like a little girl - but a baby too - still a little unsteady, awkward, silly. I mean, watching her brought back all sorts of memories from this house - this neighborhood. I remember our first Halloween here. We had just moved in - my oldest was 7 - we were just getting to know our new area. I remember walking at night when I was pregnant with my now 5 year old - loving all the old houses, the treelined streets. I remember seeing the 3 yr old - way back when he was an infant - playing in his exersaucer - the former neighbor, now long moved away - talking to him. I REALLY remember two years ago, sitting up until late at night, feeling contractions, knowing my c-section was in the morning - knowing I would soon meet our new little one. It was rainy - windy.... nice night like this one.

So.. tonight, as it got close to bedtime, my baby tugged my arm and said "C'mon, Mommy." She wanted to walk. It was bedtime, and I had back packs to unload and repack, dinner dishes to do, homework to check, so... after some thought and a look up and down the dark street, I gently brought her inside, soothed her and put her to bed. But ...I should have walked with her. I need to live in these moments more. They really don't last, and they're just so great. I'll miss when I don't have someone tugging my arm for a walk. I should focus on that more - what I'll miss - what I need to cherish.