Am I really on top of things?

Ok - so I'm patting myself on the back today - feeling like I'm doing an awesome job -staying lucid, clear-minded, organized, clean for a house with four kids, then... I look around...

It is noonish, and I have fed, bathed and dressed all kids, packed a lunch and sent one off to school (sent husband home on vacation and one kid off on "errands" - we have a lot of those too - need shelves, have stuff to mail, need groceries, oldest needs to be picked up from school for ortho, etc.), made all the beds, folded linens, mopped the dining room floor, unpacked from a recent trip, done three loads of laundry, dusted the TV room, straightened the kitchen and done some dishes, answered relevant school and / or other timely project-related emails - more....

I have also showered myself, played with the kids, given the two little ones snacks (and cleaned up the spillage), read a book to the two youngests, etc. HOWEVER .... I see snack cups, stray toys, socks, dirty Crocs, pretzel bits, stray balls and a bunch of toy airplanes all over the floor. There is a pile of mail and newspaper, my husband's laptop, several cameras and a bunch of broken toys on the dining room table, most of the laundry is still in baskets from before our weekend away (we have six laundry baskets - all filled and in various spots in the house), and the clothing for Good Will and all the pictures and scrapbook stuff I was organizing before our trip just looks like a pile of junk right now.

I realize that it is remarkable that I get anything done. For example, my three year old is doing this really cute thing right now where he pushes his baby sister's doll around in a stroller acting like a "mommy" and brings us stuff. My poor baby girl was on the couch, though, drinking her bottle, and I noticed that her big brother had piled a bunch of blankets and toys around her. I was trying to eat a bowl of cereal (a task in itself because my three year old requires a response to his constant questions / comments - every 5 seconds or so, so... often, I actually start to eat but have to turn, spit my food out in the sink and respond to his rants - don't want to choke and, certainly, don't want the rants to continue - especially with a baby in the next room who needs to nap and is desperately trying to do so), and I realized that, in the time it took me to eat only half of the cereal, he had piled plastic beads, blocks, stuffed animals and cookies on the counter next to me, and I was unknowingly also holding a soccer ball, a toy Mardi Gras-like necklace, a broken paper party hat (???) and a plastic dinosaur that he had handed me, so I put it all on the kitchen counter too (better than the floor, right?).

Anyway .... sometimes I think that only I think I'm awesome. Maybe I'll re-evaluate next week.....

Selfish

I think that, during these very hard times, people should make more of an effort to treat others well. Redirecting anger - making others suffer for what someone else has done to you - begrudging someone what he or she has because you don't have - letting anger, resentment and jealousy build to an unhealthy level - all useless. All represent behavior that will, most definitely, be regrettable at a later date and probably snowball into something much worse. Life is short. We should be the best we can be everyday and forgive ourselves and others when necessary. I'm trying (I said trying) to learn from my past mistakes and wish / hope others will do the same.

There - I am now, officially, off my soapbox. For now.... anyway.

My Dad

Today, I'm remembering my Dad. It was three years ago today that he died. Right now, it's all sadness - even the happy memories make me cry. I'm thinking of my family, and I'm thinking of others who have lost loved ones.

Steeler Legacy

Ok - so the Steelers are in the Super Bowl again. I come from a long line of Steelers fans - often made to defend themselves in not so friendly territory. My family has lived in several different places - even overseas - and always maintained a loyalty to the Steelers. Oddly, I married a Steelers fan too - and am, now, raising Steelers fans. I am not a huge football fan, but I am told that, as a baby, watched endless games on my Dad's lap. My poor Dad died a week after the Steelers won the Super Bowl three years ago. He had pancreatic cancer and was suffering. I'm so glad he got to see them win, but I wish he wasn't so sick watching the game. In his memory and with that enthusiastic spirit he had, I am watching the game, having people over, making "football-friendly" food - have all my kids decked out in Steelers gear - even have on the Steelers shirt my Mom and Dad gave me for Christmas three years ago - I'm sure so I could wear it while I watched the game. I watched alone three years ago - with a pretty heavy heart. This year, I'm going to be surrounded by family, and I'm going to be happy. I loved my Dad so much, and I miss him. Go Steelers!

Things that surprise me ...

... personally, that is. I mean - none of this has any bearing on everyday life, really.... or maybe it does - you judge....

When you are confronted with one of your husband's "exes", and, instead of feeling a little jealousy pang or a bit of curiosity regarding who she is, how they knew each other - whatever... you find yourself horrified ... disgusted even - wondering WHERE the appeal ever was in so many ways ... wishing she was more interesting, attractive, etc. and less obnoxious, vulgar, slovenly, etc. This REALLY surprised me, and... made me feel bad. Who am I to judge, right?

When you know people who are going through so much - losing loved ones, dealing with an illness themselves, etc. - and they have the stamina, grace, fortitude - whatever it takes - to confront the issue and move along like life is still OK. I mean, I know they have to - and I've experienced this on some levels myself - but such monumental life confrontations like leaving behind children - going through a recently deceased loved ones' belongings - Oh ... the list goes on... it just kills me. I wish I could help sometimes when I hear these stories - know somebody going through it - but sometimes life is a solitary journey, and some things must be dealt with alone. Amazing. Awe-inspiring.

When you've hit the proverbial "rock bottom" and found that the cliche is true - that you do bounce back stronger, happier and more confident than ever, it can be quite life-changing. When I compare my current frame of mind with where I was - let's just say "recently" - I have to say, I'm 1000 percent committed to never letting ANYONE make me feel the way I was made to feel - back then - a year ago - two years ago .....

So that's it - all I have right now. The Yin and the Yang of my observations on this topic - something light - something heavy - something in between - in terms of how all this relates or becomes relevant to everyday life.