Ten Good Things

1. Rising early (and cranky) yesterday made it possible for me to sit and experience a breezy, sunny, humidity-free early morning.

2. Hubby dug pricker bushes, vines and other debris away from our neighbor's old wooden treehouse / swingset (their kids are in college and our backyard isn't really big enough to hold one) so now we have a stone-covered, brambly path from our veggie garden and storage area to the neighbor's old swingset - which they said we could use - they never see because that part of the yard is way over a hill - perfect situation - everyone happy.

3. That swingset prompted the monkey in me - as I climbed and lay across the cross bars - and stood on top and balanced and, ultimately, did a little stomach / legs first flip off of it (one that we used to get in trouble for doing when I was a kid on the playground ;-). I was actually cleaning it, testing crossbar rungs, etc. and just had some fun with it. I was on it and testing myself (in truth) so long that I am actually a little sore today (making a case for those workouts that use climbing, pulling, etc. - hello, personal trainer?).

4. Despite not being in a shopping mood yesterday OR liking PF Chang's very much, I went along - got Lilliana some VERY sparkly Tinkerbell shoes - Olivia some cool polka-dot Converse - let the boys pick out something in the bookstore - did lunch - did ice cream - and had fun doing it all. Just tried to be calm and let the day do its thing :-).

5. Once the treehouse / swingset was up and running, my boys ran out to enjoy it - made it all the way across the cross bars - used the swing - poked their heads out of the treehouse part - loved every minute of it.

6. We all slept in today (except Enzo - he never sleeps in).

7. I found what I think might be close to the yummiest brunch recipe in the world here on Serious Eats - a French farmhouse recipe - Cherry Clafoutis (and I have to say, living overseas and partaking of Lux, French, Belgian, German, etc. sweets was THE BEST) - custard, cherries, bake and go easy..... gonna try it - check it out here or on see the blog on my list.

8. Was able to watch a movie all the way through last night - The Ghostwriter (LOVE Ewan MacGregor, Pierce Brosnan AND Kim Cattrall), which was a little odd - though think that Roman Polanski is brilliant at prompting odd, interesting relationships from the actors and the dialogue was unusual / intriguing (also, having just ghostwritten / edited something myself... liked the dynamic). Anyway, it was odd in that all the answers you wanted were not answered, but there were a couple of surprises that you did not see coming. Nice setting - rainy, minimalist beach house...

9. It appears one side of the family has decided to begin the Sunday dinners or breakfasts that WE suggested months ago (has to be their idea, but... at least they are doing it - all good).

10. Cleaning the closets and organizing the bedrooms has led the kids to play with some otherwise discarded toys as well as prompt memories of Olivia as a wee one (in particular - the Winnie the Pooh music maker that propelled the mobile over many a crib throughout the years - starting with Olivia :-) - has me remembering those sleepless nights and sweet baby smells and sounds).

Photo: Perusing our now fun and functioning backyard (fire pit, veggie garden, swingset / treehouse, flowers, patio, riding toys, lighted deck) made me think of the birdhouses that the boys made (and often fill with seed or peanut butter), which hang on our fence. This photo is the day we painted them - a year and a half ago...??? Not sure - Enzo looks sooooo young :-).

Question of the day: Has anyone seen Eat, Pray, Love yet?

I am a drag today... no fun at all.

Not much at all to say today. Still stressed. Trying to beef up my professional profile on Linked In (not doing great - most former collegues / current acquaintances ignoring me - look like an idiot next to hubby, other friends) - and simultaneously trying to figure out how family vacations and holidays will work or not work, rather, once I'm back at work. Bought school shoes for Olivia yesterday - need to buy her final Honors English book (she is almost done with Catcher in the Rye - seems to like it :-) - need to get uniform skirts hemmed. Hubby wants to take boys fishing today, but I'm sick of the heat and humidity. Lil happy with her new princess pull-ups that we bought yesterday - she LOVES them (you would think it was Christmas :-). I'm up again (have been since 3 or 4 in the morning) thinking about more extended family stuff, paying tuition, not taking a vacation, being behind in all my photo and video organizing, the fact that I have fillings that need to be replaced and the thought of a trip to the dentist upsets me (and I actually used to like going to the dentist - yeah, I did - really) - more silly stuff - only this time, my stomach is killing me (I was hospitalized years ago - back when I was a single mom and Olivia in preschool - with severe reflux / ulcer) - it acts up when I'm stressed. Olivia wants to go shopping today, but a combination of bad body image, frugality and no time to even think about where I would go or what I would buy (i.e. I am so out of the fashion loop) has me reluctant, so.... I'll probably drive her around and passively participate :-). Hubby worked long, cranky hours this week, and I have hours of laundry, organization and cleaning both behind me and yet to do. Just down.

Need to be reminded to think of others today. Here is a sad story that reminds us to think of others first or to at least remember that we should be kind and giving. Here is another on the terrible conditions in China right now - many people there need thoughts, prayers and REAL assistance to get their lives back together. Not trying to bring you down too, but... rather - just trying to get all of us to think of others today.

And ...fellow local bloggers and other media types... PodCamp Pittsburgh (5th year?) will be held this year on Sept 18 & 19, 9 am - 4 pm each day at the Art Institute downtown. As always, it is free - badges for your respective sites on theirs..... Google it. Like I said, I am no fun at all today.

Thank you, all, for the sharing and / or encouragement regarding all of our respective summer challenges with kids, career aspirations, etc. Really - don't know what I would have done without your comments, etc. this week.

Here's one way I'm cheering myself up - Halloween costume shopping! I know - I know - too early, but... I love Halloween, and since my boys are Mario crazed on the Wii... check this out.

Actually not sure when I'll be back - have two invitations tomorrow, which is weird - one brunch - another a later day picnic / b-day celebration / music in the park situation..... Might lift my spirits - and... in that case, I will see you Monday :-).

Just about everything borrowed today.

Check out the new blog I'm following on my list - a family dinner idea place and beyond, really. Thanks, MW, for that.

Also, for you locals (and, by that, I mean Clevelanders and Pittsburghers), here are some restaurant bargains (thanks, SBC, for that) - Ibiza (Mallorca's tapas bar), Namaste India - others.

Again ... for locals (this time just Pitt), here are some upcoming events at our local Nordstrom. Some worth a look - some not so much.

And, honestly, this has been on my mind lately.... what to wear when I work out (looking like a non-geek does wonders for my self-esteem). Here is what Rachel Zoe says.... so I'm sure it will be "bananas" - "major" - all that ;-).

The Bakery Square Urban Active Fitness is offering a fitness workshop - alongside facility trainers - this Sat, 14 Aug from 6:30 am to 8 am - limit 100 (early risers, obviously) - first 50 will receive the opportunity for a free personal trainer, AND the event is supposedly going to be run by some big names in the fitness industry - though... did not see those announced yet. Might be fun - I'm still thinking on it....

This weekend is the Seven Springs Food and Wine Festival. Probably worth a look - unsure, currently, what the weather will hold for anyone interested.

I'm always prompting you all to join zulily, and... today is no different. Vive la Fete childrens' hand-smocked clothing is featured today - very sweet little Halloween dresses and outfits - with pretty little witches and pumpkins stitched across the chest - very retro - very classic - very cute.

I was made aware of an article on a boy from good old St. Bede. I believe he played in the band that performed at my fundraiser a couple of years there - also his Mom has photographed my daughter for a magazine (a "volunteer" type situation - in the marketing / advertising industry, our kids are often volunteered for such work :-) - this time, she and some of her friends modeled for a friend in need) - and, of course, many of the kids in my daughter's circle are aware of his impending and current success. Anyway, here is that article on this particular "hip hop boy" ;-). Worth a read.

And, speaking of St. Bede.... parents - we got a packet of info a week or so ago - Now - two more to check out, fill out and turn everything in.... mine arrived today. FYI.

And finally - saw this recipe - or a version of it by different names - from 4 different people - 4!!!! - bizarre - last week or so, so.... gave it a try and it is easy and tasty. In a nutshell, here is the recipe (fused from the different ones I was forwarded / happened to see / was given):

Beef Provencal -

1 to 2 pounds cubed beef
Equal parts onion and carrots (one and a half to two cups)
Lots of garlic - one recipe called for 12 cloves - another only 6 - crushed
Olive oil
14 oz diced tomatoes
tbsp tomato paste
1 cup beef broth
1 cup red wine
pinch rosemary
pinch thyme
salt and pepper to taste
pinch allspice or cloves
one bay leaf

Saute crushed garlic in olive oil until fragrant (use deep dutch oven-type pan) - remove and set aside. Saute beef cubes (salt and peppered a bit) until browned - remove and set aside. Pour in red wine - bring to a boil by scraping brown bits from pan. Return garlic and beef to pan - keep in med / high heat. Add carrots, onion then beef stock or broth, tomatoes, tomato paste, rosemary, thyme, more salt and pepper, allspice or cloves and bay leaf - mix well - bring it all to a boil. Cover (I just used foil) - and put the whole pan in the oven to bake at 300 degrees for 2 - 2.5 hours. Remove bay leaf before serving over noodles. This can also, apparently, be done in a slow cooker if you are so inclined.

And, finally, since we're in the kitchen .... Hell's Kitchen and Next Food Network Star have finales this week, and... well... Top Chef is about halfway done..... getting a little more interesting too.

See ya!

Are you ready?

For your day, that is? I am tired today - tossed and turned last night, but... had a great day at Kennywood!

Like I said, we did meet my cousins - found them having a burger, salad and hoagie lunch (when at the amusement park, you do the amusement park food too, right? Down to the funnel cakes and ice cream - in this park's case, many go for the fried Oreos - yep - you heard that right ;-) right near the carousel. My Olivia and constant companion, Olivia B, bee-lined with the my kids for the pirate ship ride (since they weren't hungry yet) and so the day began.

Kiddieland was next and the kids (9 total - the two Olivias, my three little ones and my cousins' kids - Maggie, Alex, Mallory and Jennifer) ran from ride to ride while the adults (again, quite a number of us - 10 total, I believe, including us, my aunt and uncle, my two cousins, Vicki and Cindy, their husbands, Gary and David, and Gary's parents - big group :-) sat and tried to alternately hydrate (drank bottles and bottles of water - lemonade, Coke, cherry slushies - anything cold and wet) and keep up with the running kids (and it was way over 90 degrees yesterday). After that, we took a break for lunch - partaking of fries, kid pasta and meatballs and some chicken fingers - in a semi-air conditioned little veranda-like / cafeteria style restaurant.

Following lunch, it was time for the big coasters, the scary upside down rides, the water rides and more. All of us avid riders, I think we all got to sample a big coaster or another wild ride of some kind at one point. Milo and Lil were often too short for some rides (Milo had to look longingly at the swings while the other kids rode, for example - Enzo barely big enough to get on), and Lil had to be distracted end of night while the whole brood got on the famed "Jack Rabbit" roller coaster. Though... she and I - and I rarely use this word - had a "magical" time on the carousel - yes, magical. The carousel is, first of all, a historic landmark, a true original - dating back to the beginnings of this park in the early 1900's. It was brightly lit, playing music and enticed Lilliana right over to it. Her little arms were filled with stuffed animals, all spontaneous gifts from passers-by who would ask, "Do you want this little toy, sweetie?" (Lil has that effect on people). She and I rode side by side - over and over.... She was thrilled to be sitting like a big girl on a horsey -though wanted to hold my hand. She pointed and giggled and cuddled with me and just had a great time.

All in all, just a great day -felt like we were on vacation. The little kids thought the Olivias were just great and begged to sit next to them on all the rides (my Olivia was disappointed that she didn't get to do the Sky Coaster which is basically like bungee jumping and para-sailing combined, but she had fun anyway - AND called me a chicken for not wanting to do it - truthfully, seems kinda fun - albeit really scary - but it costs extra to do - a lot extra, which irritates me for some reason - guess I'm a grumpy "old person" now ;-). All of us adults divided and conquered, so to speak - let grandparents watch little ones (Lil rode the Turtle, another original ride that overlooks the valley and the river, with Gary's Mom and other cousins) while we coaster lovers took the kids, often, on their first scary thrill ride - or, in hubby's case, firsts for our boys riding together on some bigger rides - one where they got soaking wet ;-).

End of night found hubby and I watching a laser show, singing Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" and drinking an icy Coke out of our "Kennywood sippy cup" with the boys - then taking one last fun dark ride on the Jack Rabbit (those old wooden coasters in the dark ... wild - Milo clung to me like a little monkey though insisted on the very front car - equally brave Enzo the very back with Daddy) while the girls took Lil for cheesey bacon fries in the "Potato Patch". Riding home, I dispensed snacks and water - we sat in traffic for only a short time (for those of you who've heard of the Rankin Bridge construction) - we joked with our two teen "texters", already contacting friends - Lil fell asleep - the boys were still excited and talking about the day - hubby and I no longer arguing (like we had been a day before re: my job search "decision" :-) but enjoying each other and the family. So much fun. Once home, we washed the "park grime" off of everyone, dispensed milk and snacks and sent all sleepy ones to bed - hubby, Olivia and I raced each other to the shower - then made iced green tea and chicken soup and listened to a thunder storm that came out of nowhere and ... above all ... cooled the air temporarily and made everything smell pleasantly muddy and green :-). Jason Schwartzman on Jimmy Kimmel Live late night was funny.

A good day.

Photos: Late night on the carousel (have many more to download from my camera - which I will display when I'm reminiscing, as I always do, in a few weeks - gotta love the immediate satisfaction of the iPhone photos, though :-).

Throwing in the towel - another SAHM gives up...

And, yes - I am thinking of heading back into the workforce fulltime (after some years in freelance work here at home). I have thought about it for a long time - even interviewed for jobs when I was 4, 5 and 8 months pregnant with Lilliana - then again when she wasn't even two weeks old - just days after my c-section and on driving restrictions, I ignored all post-surgical warnings and ventured out, bent on getting that job (and I almost did). At the time, I was scared I could not handle a new baby with such small boys and a grade schooler - no family to help - hubby working long hours and traveling. But... I did make it work. I tried so hard to be a good stay at home mother - attentive, loving, productive - whatever.

Truthfully, my kids deserve more than what I can give. They are spirited, eager, sweet and loving. By contrast, I am cranky, angry, weepy and frazzled lately. I am not worthy of being home. They will be better off in school, responsible and nurturing daycare situations and / or after school programs with their little friends. Others can do it, but I am totally unable to manage the demands of a high schooler, a kindergartner, preschooler and toddler - too diverse - I'm spread too thin, and.... while I want to make it work, I'm thinking I just can't. I am a bad "CEO of the Home" - ineffective (though - kudos to you who are successful).

Over the past few weeks, I've ruined more dinners than I've cooked (poured a whole container of peppercorns into some corn I had just cut, buttered and salted on the stove and got my poor Enzo and Lil excited about - burned roasted veggies - over-reduced sauce - dried out some chicken - under salted my kids' beloved mashed potatoes) - I've yelled more than I've cuddled (and today was awful - no one would listen - while shopping for field hockey supplies for Olivia, it was tantrum after tantrum - and I intensely dislike being the mean Mommy - can't even enjoy lunch out with the kids because I've lost control and no one wants to be around me anyway) - and it appears they are more excited to see Daddy or big sis, Olivia, at the end of the day anyway (who wouldn't be - I am no fun - all work and no play these days). I am kidding myself with this SAHM thing. I am not good at it. A couple of "signs" (conversations, chance meetings, serendipitous memories or connections...) over the past few days have convinced me that it is the right thing to do, so .... will probably need to decide what to do with my silly old "mom blog" too ;-).

I'm sad because I will so desperately miss them during the day, and I'm disappointed in myself for failing so miserably, but... I'm trying to stay positive and... do what's best for my kids, of course. They don't need to be around cranky, tired, overworked, mean Mommy - I need to direct some of that to some co-workers who might deserve it ;-) - and, yes, I do realize that I am using the winking emoticon like punctuation again - hard post for me - have to keep it light ;-).

Anyway - off to Kennywood tomorrow where Enzo will ride roller coasters - Milo will play games - and Lilliana will be amazed, all of it new to her. Olivia is bringing a friend and is excited - hubby took the day off. We are meeting my cousin and her family (and possibly another cousin :-), so.... I'm excited too. I am not from the area, but my Dad and his family were - so... back when I was a kid, I do have memories of Kennywood - riding coasters with my Dad and uncle (the cousin I'm meeting is younger than I am so was a baby back then) - I remember the picnic lunch my Grandma would pack..... Should be fun.

Photo: Me and all my kiddies plus a couple of silly summer scenes.... Images seem kinda more important now that I know this may be the last summer home. Hmmm...... a new emotion.... sniff?

One last thing (a little lift): Women 40 somethings and 30 somethings outselling 20 somethings on magazine covers (and becoming top earners in Hollywood) - even though demographics should say otherwise - here. Hurray! Maybe I will actually get a job with this kind of trend :-). Hopefully .....

Gonna need support on this. Hard decision for me.