Random musings...

... from someone so clearly still on hiatus ;-).

Pictured: Every time we leave Lil's morning out program, she asks, "Mommy, I pick the big flower?" It is a wilted pink rose - the last one of the season - right next to the front door. Each time, I say, "No, Nanna. Let's let others enjoy it too." and / or "It has sharp prickers; you can't pick it." She always pouts a little - tantrums a bit. Today, we compromised on a photo of her next to it. And... then .... she chose a variety of marigold tips, bits of a rotted log and a long branch to take with her instead. They all rode home with us in the car.

The totally random thing about this post????: This tidbit from Rachel Zoe.... fleecey suede short shorts paired with thigh high matching boots. I am just trying to imagine what people would say if I wore that out and about. Seriously. I mean, I'm not conservative, but...!!!! ..... and, really, those of you with a more "in your face" fashion sense, I defy you to find cause to wear winter stripper boots with... um.... winter short shorts???? Hmmmmm....

And... finally..... go to Land of Nod here to make a donation to a good cause - feeding hungry kids.

Favorite things...

I am pressed for time today - need to spend some quality play time with Milo and Lil - need to put away piles of laundry - need to clean the kitchen AGAIN (that dishwasher... is it EVER empty? and that floor - that nasty, nasty 1990's linoleum floor that is never clean...) - need to get dinner in order so that I can attend Olivia's field hockey game tonight - need to sneak in a workout, pick up Enzo, take out the garbage, clean the yard up a bit, continue putting away and cleaning summer toys, organize more school paperwork, touch base with my freelance contact, get our kid costume party invitations out (Lil's b-day... sorta) and try to enjoy some of this gorgeous day!

Pictured / featured items today (in no particular order): My Illy coffee (I could write a sonnet or an "Ode to Illy" on how much I love this product) - my orange and black "Halloween scarf" (and it is so old that I have photos of me wearing it when Olivia was a toddler - when I was hangin' with college friends on a girls weekend years ago... it is timeless / ageless and.... oddly still in one piece and not faded - soft, familiar, big and drapey - I love it!) - my Neutrogena spot acne cream (yeah - mine has been worse in my 30's and beyond - forget those teenage years) - my "Orange Sapphire" (stop laughing - I know the name is cheesey) body spray from Bath and Body Works that Olivia put in a big gift bag for me back on my birthday just as a little extra AND.... we both love it (that's right, O - I know you steal it ;-), use it all the time - my hubby's Burberry after shave / splash (I am not a huge cologne / after shave fan, but.... this smells really good. My Dad was always a Burberry guy too..... when he would wake me in the mornings for school, my room would smell like that or his Bay Leaf herbal stuff. Now... I think of this scent when I picture coffee with hubby - when he heads off to a meeting in the morning - when he has kissed the kids and they smell like him) - Trick or treat bags (they're out - it's time!) - and my kids' artwork (which I am going to do a post on very soon - have been rummaging and organizing and I am so proud :-) - Drinking chocolate (all fall and winter long!!!) - And ... my old worn, comfy motorcycle-ish boots that I bought when I was pregnant with Milo because I needed something easy, hip and functional, chasing toddler, Enzo, hanging with active grade schooler, Olivia, and expecting wild boy, Milo ;-).

Do you guys have fave things you want to share? I know ya do....

Homecoming ....

Shimmery dress - long, curled hair - heels with a little glitter.....

And so the excitement of the night begins for Olivia and her friends who are going to the Woodland Hills Homecoming Dance.

Photos from my beloved iPhone just a few hours ago :-).

So much happiness in this world and, yet, tonight, I find myself thinking of a valued member of our community - a prominent figure in my kids' world,who was killed in a kayaking accident last night. Thoughts and prayers to his friends and family. The community has lost an interesting, unique soul who was far too young to go. I know my Enzo will feel his absence. In this vein, please cherish those close to you this beautiful weekend and think, as I've asked so many times, of people who are experiencing pain and loss.

Enzo has his movie birthday party tomorrow, so.... excitement still remains the prevalent vibe in this house. Nothing like the power of a 6 year old and his happiness and light :-) - not to mention his big sis, Olivia, and the whirlwind of excitement and laughter she left behind (with a slight hint of nail polish ;-).

Going totally suburban!

Or went, rather. This weekend. With "the teens", as I've said - which is how I will now refer to them. And - and it was actually QUITE a weekend with the teens. They sat and had Thai food with us Friday night (Green Mango in Regent Square - yum - lemongrass beef, spicy king chicken - pad thai....) - they did a sleepover that night (Lil and I returned from ballet in the morning - fresh from a soccer tantrum with Milo that required assistance in getting off the field - to find "the teens" lolling about in blankets in the tv room while the kitchen looked like there had been some sort of "pancake accident" with batter, dirty plates, bits of bacon, empty juice glasses, etc. all over) - there was a Central / Oakland mixer on Sat. night - and... we went homecoming dress shopping on Sunday - which.... brings me to the suburbs part - we went to Ross Park Mall so they could hit Juicy, Lucky, Louis Vuitton (yeah, right - on the latter ;-). All about the girls this weekend.

So .... we hit Gap, Ann Taylor, Nordstrom, Macy's - all the usual suspects - had pizza, lo mein and gelatto in the food court - grabbed sweet, steamy coffee drinks on a "break" - looked at jewelry and make-up we don't need - the whole mall experience. I have actually NOT done that in years!!! Years. I'm not kidding. Felt good, actually. Fun.

Anyway - big scores for both Olivia and Olivia B on dresses and shoes - my Olivia got a metallic-ish, simple swingy strapless dress with a tasteful gather / rose in the front - strappy silver sparkle sandals with a little heel to match, and.... Olivia B got a strapless black dress with pretty, textured flower detail on the full skirt and a pair of retro bright blue suede pumps to go with it. Super cool dresses AND shoes. Lil had a great time trying on shoes in Nordstrom. All the sales girls thought she was the cutest. She kept saying, "Look" and pulling her little leg to the side so that everyone could see the giant adult size 7 red patent high-heeled shoe she was proudly clomping around the store wearing (Mommy's size, but... like I said - all about the girls this weekend :-) - though we did LOOK at some awesome boots right up "Mommy's" alley - red ankle boots with a heel - high brown and black leather ones, lace-up and zip - new UGGS with buttons and straps - retro Frye - chunky boots with buckles - aahhhh... boots ;-).

Anyway ... some fun stuff:

Found this site after seeing the logo / label on the cocoa I use to make hot chocolate. My extended family has some diabetes and other health issues (I'm adopted so have no medical history - but my Mom's Dad was Native American and diabetes is an issue - my Dad's family had gluten allergies and other stomach issues, etc.) as does hubby and other people I know, so... worth a look. It is a site spawned by Oprah - HOW did I miss that all this time?

And here's a scary email headline: Vince Neil in your local Borders. AAAHHH!! Signing a book called Tattoos and Tequila no less. Wasn't he in Motley Crue? Right? I often block frightening childhood memories so .... may have that wrong ;-). Anyway .... some new books, etc. coming out - holiday deals on the horizon - worth a look.

And.... has anyone seen the M. Night Shyamalan movie, Devil? I love a scary movie - found the Sixth Sense brilliant, but... nothing from him since then has proven very good. Reviews seem mixed thus far...

Think of my little Milo today. He has his iron test today (blood drawn at Children's - good times :-(.

Boots, boots and more boots....

HERE!

I mean... show me a link that says "utilitarian boots for all", and I am THERE (please note harsh motorcycle boots in pristine family photo - shown here). Big, buckle-y, thick, lace up, dramatic BOOTS!!! Gotta love 'em....

Now.... for today's pat on the back (and you know me - I am not at all close to being sweet and sunshine-y.... so there will be a public self-flogging as well) .....

Five reasons I am awesome (and this encompasses some of you as well):

1. With all the muddy clothes changes the boys go through (the clubhouse is great but sits in an area that is pure loose dirt and mulch) - paint, peanut butter and Plah-doh on toddler shirts emergencies - athletic shin guards, field hockey shirts and shorts that get sweaty daily - all of hubby's work shirts and pants - my own workout clothes, work in the dirt clothes and splatter myself with dinner in the works clothes - all the accidents in underwear, spilled milk on sheets, dumped buttered popcorn on blankets, etc., I do at least two loads of laundry a day - and I do it efficiently - and that means folding, putting away, pressing if necessary.

2. I make dinner almost every night (and on those nights that I don't, I do provide pizza, sandwiches, soup or another option for hungry family members - six total). I make nutritious, filling, wholesome food - veggies, lean protein, yummy sides - even dessert. I do all the hand-washing (pots, etc. - while hubby works - Olivia does her honors reading or attends sports practice - if they're not here, you can't ask for or force help), and I load and unload the dishwasher (with the summer breakfast, lunch and snack dishes, this can often be twice a day).

3. I occupy my kids 80% of the time with outside play, the pool (and guilt here because I have been promising poor Milo a pool outing, but... grew tired of it / freaked out by it weeks ago when he started with the diving board - a middle schooler who ignores me - a preschooler going off the board - a kindergartner attempting to swim in the middle of the pool and a feisty two year old in the baby pool leaves me spread way too thin by myself - now that I feel that I should attempt it - the cloudy, rainy weather is not cooperating), art projects, movies, baking projects, dollhouse play, the water table, riding toys, etc. The rest of the time, I have to allow Wii (at which time, they jump in one place so much in the TV room, they are wearing out the carpet - unbelievably so) or endless lone Barbie play on the deck (feeling bad about endless "Mommy - will you play with me?" requests) while I TRY to get stuff done.

4. I get all school forms and fees in on time - I get all uniforms together - all carpools settled - and more - DESPITE constant complaints from a snarky middle schooler - make that high schooler - that I am behind (What about my Spanish class? Did you buy my book? So and so says that we need to do blah blah blah, and YOU didn't - I did not get her shin guards clean - one of the glasses from the dishwasher is still dirty - she doesn't like what I've cooked for dinner again - NOT good for the old self-esteem :-).

5. I manage to pull myself together somewhat. And... at one time, I did not. I went out in the sweat pants I slept in - I never got my hair cut - I didn't even have time to buy over the counter acne medication for my horrific post-pregnancy breakouts. I was fat - I had dark circles under my eyes, and... as a result, I was afraid to attempt new friendships or engage in activities I once liked. All that is a'changin' ;-)!

And... the flogging? Well.... let's just say that today - amid errands to pick up photos for Olivia - amid constant calls from home and requests for a Chick Fil-A lunch - amid well-intentioned shopping trips for cards to send to our snarky sibs and kids for back to school - WITHOUT coffee or food in my system - coming off a sleepless night because my preschooler and my toddler were up and down into the wee hours - attempting to call in an order for cupcakes to give to a friend for a b-day and another for a new baby, I lost my bank card - frantically called to cancel it - then.... found it on the floor of the van (after learning that PNC Bank now charges $7.50 for each new card - screw them).

Yesterday, I bought the boys new Crocs - only to find that one pair was two different sizes - so, since they were already excited about them and wanted to wear them, I had to run out for the exchange... only Lil wouldn't leave my side, so.... I took her - while there, Olivia's straightening iron died so I was summoned to get a new one (forgetting, in the chaos, my own blow dryer, which died a while ago - so much for styling my new haircut) - AND... I still had to grab items for dinner - still had to run to the post office - still had to wash the inside of the van.....

NO WONDER I keep forgetting things. The flogging part? I need to either slow down OR get it together!!! I am, once again, fried. Kudos to those of you who are able to multitask and / or delegate and / or gain support from others and / or blow it all off :-). Also - I need to stop swearing under my breath - stop yelling - wait - make that screaming - I need to stick to my plans to force the kids to play outside - to make them sit at lunch and respect one another's space instead of retreating to my own room to count to 10 again and again before I either start to cry or threaten heinous punishments. In my defense, I write this on the heels of being hit with a Wii remote when I did turn it off (my wrist still stings and that child is still in timeout) - one kid has been crying ALL morning for no reason - every little thing sets him off and the tattling and loss of temper is REALLY starting to get to me - my high schooler (as of tomorrow) is no help, feeling the need to prepare her books and finish her honors reading - hubby has just informed me that he will be traveling next week for a couple of days - I have yet to take Milo for his follow up blood test - I have missed working out for days now - I may have to take all little ones to preschool open house this week - I still need to buy school shoes and gym shoes for kindergarten - my coffeemaker is still broken - we have some sort of woodland creature living in our basement...... Oi.

Bright side? Walked to a lemonade stand yesterday - kids used own change - got along - played with neighbors - I talked to people I hadn't seen in a while. Went to Paris 66 the other day for lunch with hubby - yummy (service somewhat better). Took the brood to Mineo's the other night after parent meeting for field hockey - marginally successful - also yummy.

I have no words - only .... find your own zen today :-). I need sleep..... Oh - and Top Chef :-).

Purpose? And tattoos?

As you all know, this has been a BIG question with me lately. Big one. Like ... all-consuming big one. I sit in my house this am - in my funky flannels and my tacky purple skull and crossbones shirt - poking at my cherry clafoutis, which didn't set properly but tastes OK (see recipe - earlier post)and does so because hubby brought me the world's tastiest cherries from Whole Foods the other night (attempting to encourage something that interests me, I think :-) - gazing sadly at my dead coffeemaker and sulkily drinking my sub-par English breakfast tea (I'm low on tea bags too - and made this batch too weak - ugh - my sweet Dad bought me that coffeemaker complete with cappuccino capabilities back when my recently departed ex had taken the one my friends had given me, and my Dad noticed that it made me sad :-) - sniff - those days are gone) - and.... I'm trying to figure out JUST what it is that I do well.

This morning, as hubby was off to work and I was.... well... still gazing about the kitchen, he attempted to cheer me up, saying, "You take care of this house of 6 so well - I mean... um... look... everything in its place... clean... kids happy." And... I can't help but let my mind wander to the fact that.... well - they won't be happy for long; they'll fight (and props to Olivia for helping a great deal yesterday with the chaos as well as breaking up a particularly nasty and fierce knockdown / drag-out on the landing this am as I attempted a shower with no luck). And... this laundry, dusting, vacuuming thing? Boring. And guess what's for dinner AGAIN tonight? Chicken and mashed potatoes and glazed carrots and... what's that? You're losing interest? Drifting a bit? Yeah.... me too.

So ... good news for hubby - a web site that he worked on was randomly chosen by Crain's Business as one of their top 10 for 2010. He is being interviewed on Tuesday along with his content person and account manager (and, btw, I "Freudingly" typed "we worked on..." instead of "he worked on..." earlier before correcting - See, I often feel these PR chicks are doing my job - we did, after all, work together for years.... YEARS!). He also has little kid soccer draft this evening - beers after with his coaching friends.... Olivia has a birthday dinner with a friend (not to mention a pool party hosted by one of her camp friends at her house in Sewickley tomorrow night - a community I highly covet - wish I would have known Pittsburgh better when I first moved here). I am doing nothing - literally nothing. I had a few tentative plans fall through for the weekend - plus have not scheduled a hair appointment yet and now hubby wants to take the boys fishing tomorrow. All good. I'll find something.

I'm feeling restless, I think. My arms are sore from a really good workout yesterday (yeah - I kicked my own ass - thinking about doing it again today - one positive that occurs when I get bored is my urge to exercise more... so... gotta work that, I think ;-), and.... I have to say... last evening .... as I mixed and baked and Lil sat on the floor and cut (and ate) little orange cherry tomatoes with her plastic IKEA knife and we unpacked our CSA basket and I could hear my boys and the neighbors playing in the "clubhouse" through the screen door - that whole laughter on the air bit - being called into dinner - just great retro "play in the neighborhood" stuff (hi, free rangers :-), life was GOOD - like goooooood.

Now, I can't say that I didn't have a restless moment yesterday. In fact, I had a big one. On our way to the "concussion test" at Oakland Catholic (and, no, they don't smack them in the head and then ask a series of questions - we know they don't - we asked ;-) with my Olivia and her two friends, Molly and Caroline, in the car.... ANOTHER friend texted a photo of her cartilege piercing from a tattoo parlor on the Southside (hi, Olivia B). Now... I have to digress a bit.... A few weeks before, when this friend expressed her desire to have this piercing, my Olivia showed her my ear - two holes through the cartilege - way up high, and.... I HAD to tell her the equivalent of our parents "walked 10 miles in the snow to school" story - my piercing story. How I got it done like at the mall - and it was awful and didn't work - and I had pain and yukiness - and then..... my friend got another tattoo and I went along and this super cool piercing artist said to me, "I can fix that", and he did - with a big long hollow needle - left it in - told me to keep a certain kind of jewelry in it, etc. Another digression..... I DID develop a little crush on him (remember that, mina? ;-), BUT he did fix it. I let it close when EVERYONE started to pierce EVERYTHING. Now, however, I often gaze longingly at tattoos. Cool ones - like the bright, pastel-y, flowery sleeves that look so great on some people (I'm looking at you, Jamie, on last season's Top Chef). Immediately, I engaged poor Molly in a conversation about tattoos (hey - she was willing :-) - and Kat Von D and LA Ink (oh Kat, do you remember the days after Lil was born in the hospital and I watched you on TLC all night? - limited viewing there - but I got sucked in - like a soap opera). Anyway, I did get this urge to floor it - and speed my minivan to the Southside to check out the piercing and to peruse tattoos. I didn't. I went straight to the "concussion test" :-).

So .... what's up with y'all today? I found this cereal - Cascadian Farm (Kids), organic, Fruitful O's - as we shopped organics in the Market District at Giant Eagle yesterday ... whole grain, sweetened with fruit juice AND iron-fortified. Good news as Milo needs a follow up blood test for his iron saturation problem in the next few days, and HE was the one who picked it out - go figure. Also - I made my flu shot appointments (poor Milo needs the shot as he was admitted to the hospital for Croup last year - the others, including my two year old, can do the mist). They are NOT doing separate flu and H1N1 this year, so that's good. Also, I go to a busy practice, and they are scheduling two dates in Sept. They left their message for me the other day, but... the appointments aren't even close to filling up yet - also good news. So - if you are flu shot people, gotta think about getting that scheduled already.

Photos: Yep - more that my kids took of me...;-).

Gotta go - planning to throw the Wii into the backyard for good today :-), but... legos are grabbing some interest now, and... Lil is full of "secrets" today, whispered in my ear (and totally enamored of her fancy new hair clips - we should all take a lesson on the bright side from Lil :-), so.... something good is a brewin'..... and I will meditate on that as I head off to re-wash the kitchen floor, bleach a load of whites and Olivia's grease-stained shorts, fill out some more school paperwork and clean out the produce drawers in the fridge. Good times.

Day 1 trying to grab this elusive confidence thing...

... and I'm really not going to pontificate for long today. Really. I have far too much to say - far too much going on in my head - and, of course, far too much going on already in the house this morning.

Suffice to say that I am struggling with the insomnia again. I have been working on it. One long ago friend did give me a great "cure" recently in that it also provided me my much-needed pre-sleep downtime and forced me to implement some me time and some nightly disciplines (well - if tea and wine are disciplines ;-). He had suggested working out in the evening to clear my head - and... while I kept to an earlier day workout (just kids' schedules right now), I did do the no food after a certain hour, chamomile tea (though substituted hot chocolate one night when my daughter wanted some -and - fyi - despite the extra fat to digest and the bits of sugar and caffeine - it worked too - must be the warm milk thing), red wine (had a few bottles started at recent dinners or whatever and were sitting around and made it through them - little sips at a time - in fact, need more (and can say that this component also seemed to alleviate my back pain a bit as did the workout). Anyway.... it was working - IS working, really.... I watched my Top Chef last night (and, btw, Angelo is lucky that Alex is so incompentent or he may have been gone for his store-bought puff pastry choice) - did part of the "routine" and feel asleep, but... when something wakes me at 4 am or so, I'm up.

Anyway - on LinkedIn, my hubby enjoys great success, but I have actually had people view my profile and turn me away. Less than half of the "people I might know" have responded to me. Failure. I suspected as much. Also, revamping my resume for feedback has brought feedback that is just beyond me right now - more bullet points under positions that I would rather forget - drop things that I feel might lead me into my dream jobs of fashion or the arts (don't pay, right? :-( and, therefore, I want to keep! Ugh.... worries for another day. Can say this, though - looks like my position as CEO of the Home is impressing NO ONE right now.

Yesterday, I took Olivia's uniform skirts to be hemmed - after pinning and measuring part of the morning away. I shopped b-day presents for some of her friends - one on her way to Shadyside Academy while Olivia goes to Oakland Catholic (they are writing one another long sentimental letters and, I'm sure, will still stay close) - we also shopped bras and underwear at Target (where I found Enzo and Milo trying on bras and saying they had "lady boobs" - I have no words....), food for dinner (does hummus count?).... did lunch in the mall food court while picking up photos - just a day of errands, which I suspect I will continue today. On the weight loss front... I did NOT make it to the gym :-(, but... I did miss dinner (just got too late... field hockey carpool complete with uniform deposits and other forms to turn in - rearranging Lil's room to create new play areas while I go through my own paperwork, photos, etc. .... think I forgot until I woke with grumbly stomach - ever do that?).

So ... long story short, I wish I could find a way to boost my confidence - with job search, etc. Just not in the cards right now. I'm kinda in a holding pattern, and... that's fine. Anyone else feeling this way?

Photo: The stairs to the "clubhouse". Think we'll go there today too :-).

Oh - and I think my Krups coffeemaker / cappuccino maker died today - after MANY years together. Anyone have a suggestion for a replacement or should I just go with the tried and true?

One last thing.... Do you watch Project Runway? OK - I do sometimes. Anyway, here's a story on judge, Nina Garcia, who is beautiful, stylish, successful (editor in chief of Marie Claire, right?), and... 45 years old..... and pregnant with her second child. So there, those who think 40 is the end of beauty and life choices and style.... blah blah blah...

No more excuses.

I have this tendency to evaluate my appearance, my body, my style, etc. very harshly. I intensely dislike photos of myself and I am constantly striving to take at least one "pretty" one so my kids will remember me when I was young as fun and attractive (and this is anywhere - if I'm baking cookies and notice my hair looks good, I may prompt hubby to snap one - or if we're out and I feel like I actually like what I have on, I may ask for another quick candid - usually one of my eyes looks bigger than the other - you can see my gray streaked ugly ash brown roots or I have yet another breakout - Ooooo - worse, I look fat .... AGAIN). Vain? No. Silly? Probably. Deluded? Yes.

And... by deluded - I mean on both ends. There are days that I think I look fabulous and... in hindsight - I wonder how I did not manage to embarass Olivia - repulse hubby and / or make my little ones laugh at me. Other times, I look at a photo from just a few years ago when I was lamenting a bad haircut, feeling chubby and hating my outfit, AND... oddly.... now I think I look great - and so does hubby - and Olivia - and my Mom (now that's sayin' something).

I've been many things - lipsticked, dressed up dancer in my high-heeled Frye boots by day - my appropriately ripped up sweats and leg warmers by night - ballet bun and / or long, loose curls - nails were always done - eye shadow always 80s funky - and the jewelry - oh the rings and ear piercings... 7 total. I then went punk - hair long in the front, shaved in the back a la skate punk style (and skating those empty swimming pools and long, flat city steps WAS fun, wasn't it? As were the hardcore shows - alternative dance nights with my "Waver" friends....) - army jackets - pegged jeans - converse sneaks - black everything - shirts, skinny skirts, baggy sweats - Oh - and combat boots and Doc Martens (I still take my old buckled Docs out now and then and caress and care for them :-). I even entered a crunchy, hippy, granola stage - living at the oceanfront, I was all long, straight, sunstreaked hair - no makeup - sunglasses - flip flops - bells and braided bracelets on my ankles - back pack - hiking shorts (and, yes, I hiked and ran during this time - a 5K - an 8K - one scary Maine rock climbing trip - another scary white water adventure in WVA) - a little fairy wish bell around my neck - crystals.... In fact, I sometimes freak a little - thinking people still see me as the bohemian, gypsy type, and... I want a little more from my style than that. By contrast, those who knew me as the professional, remember a designer obsessed chick with short, choppy hair - chunky silver jewelry - lots of boots and heels - ALWAYS solid colors (no prints here), and... that's not really me either (I blame the ad, pr and marketing industry).

Now? I don't know. I suspect I may be all of those things. I wear old punk rock t-shirts to work out at the gym. For simplicity, I usually just grow my hair long - but end up hacking at my bangs or my layers myself - having expensive colorists add color that I end up hating. I do wear flip flops, long skirts and tie dyes in the summer - usually no make up - AND in the winter, I'm all scrunchy UGGS, clingy skirts or yoga pants, puffy jackets and funky scarves with bright lipstick and sunglasses. I am, admittedly, a little boring. Every now and then, I buy a cool pair of earrings that my long, stringy hair hides or I buy a new pair of shoes that I end up never wearing. I usually blame time - even lack of interest (house and kids making me crazy), but... I'm finding that I have no excuses.

I hang with some people at the pool who do their workout and show up, kids in tow, hair pushed back - requisite yoga pants or Athleta workout skirts over their faded bathing suits and they work it and they look good. I went to drop my Olivia at a friend's house to babysit the other night, and "the dad" showed up at the front door looking nothing like a dad but more like a teenager with his baseball hat on backwards - long baggy b-ball shorts on - bare feet. Could I pull that off? No. Can all these cute boys - my hubby included - who wear it all with confidence and bravado pull it off? Yes. My neighbor just shaved her head and it looks fabulous, so... there goes my "I can't have style because nothing is low maintenance" excuse (and, yes, M, I am shaking my fist at you right now - I know you're out picking peaches, but I'm shaking it - you just can't see me ;-). Another friend just dropped over 20 pounds in LESS THAN a summer, so.... again.... what's my excuse? I eat what the kids do.... blah blah blah - she has a kindergartner too!

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe confidence is what it takes to pull anything off AND that's precisely what I need to work on. Plus - I do need to get my hair cut every now and then - buy myself a lipstick or a shirt. I'm into this self-deprivation thing right now, and it is just NOT working for me.

Photos: Easter. A perfect example of what I mean. We took tons of photos. In each one, I look horrible for varying reasons. With Olivia - eyes closed (though, I am in heels - she in flats - so I look tall - I can't stand it when I look like a troll with all these middle school girls towering over me). With Lil - fat. Close up with Lil - fat - and what is UP with my hair?! Group photo... um.... look OK but why is everyone fighting and running from us? I included a "booty shot" - yes, my butt - in the mirror - a "before" photo for my workout progress. Need I say more? I often like the self-portraits that my kids take. I have a "witch" nose and chin, but... these photos look like ME - they capture my essence, I think - good or bad. And, yes - I included one of my famous self-portraits - ugly but I dig it (see my evaluation techniques are rather odd :-). And... finally... the family photo shoot - have said it before, will say it again - I look baaaad - everyone else looks fantastic. I think I tried to hide blemishes with too much make-up - had let someone put a "warm" red tone on my hair, and... well... yuck. Hubby looks cute, though.

OK - so here ya go.... A story here on salmonella and eggs. Just beware - does not seem to affect our region. And... here - what I'm been obsessing on lately.... how NOT to lose your temper (i.e. yell) when kids are acting up (perfect timing on this article - must be some summer angst a brewin' all over - and, on my end, I've already told them all to "shut up" this morning - and, at one time, my Olivia thought that was a swear word to give you ANY idea of how far my parenting skills have deteriorated with the addition of each wild child - and, today, hands shaking, stomach aching, I am LOSIN' IT). And... finally ... same mag - a story on "is your child a public menace?" Hmmm.... wonder who that applies to?

Top Chef tonight.... don't miss it!

Just about everything borrowed today.

Check out the new blog I'm following on my list - a family dinner idea place and beyond, really. Thanks, MW, for that.

Also, for you locals (and, by that, I mean Clevelanders and Pittsburghers), here are some restaurant bargains (thanks, SBC, for that) - Ibiza (Mallorca's tapas bar), Namaste India - others.

Again ... for locals (this time just Pitt), here are some upcoming events at our local Nordstrom. Some worth a look - some not so much.

And, honestly, this has been on my mind lately.... what to wear when I work out (looking like a non-geek does wonders for my self-esteem). Here is what Rachel Zoe says.... so I'm sure it will be "bananas" - "major" - all that ;-).

The Bakery Square Urban Active Fitness is offering a fitness workshop - alongside facility trainers - this Sat, 14 Aug from 6:30 am to 8 am - limit 100 (early risers, obviously) - first 50 will receive the opportunity for a free personal trainer, AND the event is supposedly going to be run by some big names in the fitness industry - though... did not see those announced yet. Might be fun - I'm still thinking on it....

This weekend is the Seven Springs Food and Wine Festival. Probably worth a look - unsure, currently, what the weather will hold for anyone interested.

I'm always prompting you all to join zulily, and... today is no different. Vive la Fete childrens' hand-smocked clothing is featured today - very sweet little Halloween dresses and outfits - with pretty little witches and pumpkins stitched across the chest - very retro - very classic - very cute.

I was made aware of an article on a boy from good old St. Bede. I believe he played in the band that performed at my fundraiser a couple of years there - also his Mom has photographed my daughter for a magazine (a "volunteer" type situation - in the marketing / advertising industry, our kids are often volunteered for such work :-) - this time, she and some of her friends modeled for a friend in need) - and, of course, many of the kids in my daughter's circle are aware of his impending and current success. Anyway, here is that article on this particular "hip hop boy" ;-). Worth a read.

And, speaking of St. Bede.... parents - we got a packet of info a week or so ago - Now - two more to check out, fill out and turn everything in.... mine arrived today. FYI.

And finally - saw this recipe - or a version of it by different names - from 4 different people - 4!!!! - bizarre - last week or so, so.... gave it a try and it is easy and tasty. In a nutshell, here is the recipe (fused from the different ones I was forwarded / happened to see / was given):

Beef Provencal -

1 to 2 pounds cubed beef
Equal parts onion and carrots (one and a half to two cups)
Lots of garlic - one recipe called for 12 cloves - another only 6 - crushed
Olive oil
14 oz diced tomatoes
tbsp tomato paste
1 cup beef broth
1 cup red wine
pinch rosemary
pinch thyme
salt and pepper to taste
pinch allspice or cloves
one bay leaf

Saute crushed garlic in olive oil until fragrant (use deep dutch oven-type pan) - remove and set aside. Saute beef cubes (salt and peppered a bit) until browned - remove and set aside. Pour in red wine - bring to a boil by scraping brown bits from pan. Return garlic and beef to pan - keep in med / high heat. Add carrots, onion then beef stock or broth, tomatoes, tomato paste, rosemary, thyme, more salt and pepper, allspice or cloves and bay leaf - mix well - bring it all to a boil. Cover (I just used foil) - and put the whole pan in the oven to bake at 300 degrees for 2 - 2.5 hours. Remove bay leaf before serving over noodles. This can also, apparently, be done in a slow cooker if you are so inclined.

And, finally, since we're in the kitchen .... Hell's Kitchen and Next Food Network Star have finales this week, and... well... Top Chef is about halfway done..... getting a little more interesting too.

See ya!

COMPLETELY Random (from recipes to retail)...

Boots under $100 at Piperlime! I'm in!

Watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night and really liked it. If you've ever spent any time in Europe or in complicated relationships, you will relate. I am touch and go with Woody Allen films, but... this one - even with voiceover narrative - was really good (I mean, they're all good - some just speak to me more than others). Was it really 2008 when it came out?!?! I am soooo out of touch regarding movies. Anyway - made me feel better about my house full of half-finished canvases a la artist hubby - my coffee corner, constantly cluttered with spoons, french presses, sugar (all me :-) - my wardrobe and how some people are always referring to me as "bohemian" - my hot temper ;-). Worth a watch - definitely.

Checked camp photos for Olivia today. While we saw her friends playing basketball and doing yoga, we did not see her. Oh well - next round of photos.

Yesterday was a hugely productive day for me - I moved furniture, organized school paperwork, cleaned A LOT, and... somehow made it to Whole Foods where Enzo decided that he wanted to make fish for dinner - told the guy what we needed and everything. And we did end up with some yummy fish tacos for a late dinner (hubby busy at work - made me miss my workout, so... today, I need to be ON IT!): Marinated the fish (tilapia - very mild in case the boys wanted to eat some) briefly in a lime, chipotle pepper, salt and olive oil mixture - pan seared it - rolled it up in hand-rolled, organic flour tortillas with lime, hot sauce, lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and sour cream. So good.

Quick quest for input here.... I have begun to restrict my boys' media time. A good thing some days because it gives us a little more structure and discipline to our "lazy time". I have begun to notice, however, that they are obsessed with the Wii each morning when they get up, preventing me from watching the Today Show or from even reading and having any sort of quiet morning time in my space - the first floor - where I need to be productive. Selfish? I think not. I mean, it also causes fights and mean back talk. By contrast, though, Lilliana has become obsessed with some old-fashioned wooden pull toys I found while digging out yesterday. Interesting. So... my question: Do you restrict TV and / or media time? If so, how stringent are you? And... how do the kids react? You can email me if you like ;-).

Finally.... St. Beders (and I know some of you are still reading me this summer), our paperwork has arrived. Get it in ASAP! If you are lamenting the loss of summer, keep this in mind... we still have a couple of weeks left and schools like Woodland Hills Academy started today!

In closing, I'd like to share a bit of fluff.... that Lady Gaga made Vanity Fair's best-dressed list for being "original", which....is such a joke... given that she steals everything she says, does AND dresses in from Grace Jones and Madonna - who were doing her "schtick" years ago!

Quick note: The National is playing Pittsburgh on 25 Sept - get your tickets everyone - they are selling out!

Last quick note: Are you a Mad Men fan? If so, the 2010 casting call for a walk-on part is on.... get your photo in.... hopefully, the deadline hasn't passed. If so, you can still vote on those who DID get photos in.... until early Sept, I believe. Good luck :-).

And... I'm out. Happy, happy, everyone.

Sometimes...

... just a night out to eat fried stuff, listen to cheesey music, have a few beers, see a silly movie and do some painless impulse buying at Puma and Urban Outfitters is enough (and speaking of retail therapy - my new fashion fascination is Carine Roitfeld, editor in chief of French Vogue - super cool style - let's see, craggy features, long stringy hair, olive-ish coloring and dark eyes..... hmmm... if I just lost half my body weight, I might look a little like her ;-). That's what hubby and I did last night, and it was totally rejuvenating. Olivia and three friends watched the little ones for us (AND ate pizza and Facebooked and bought a FIOS movie and made silly videos, etc.).

Today - we have a birthday party, last minute camp shopping, a care package to three sweet kids who just lost someone close to them, dinner out to say bye-bye to Olivia for a week, home improvement purchases, the pool and more. Already we've had a pancake breakfast for 9? 10? - cleaned a portion of the basement and hosted some of the neighbor kids for a Disney cartoon fest this am :-). Seems like a good day. Thoughts and prayers are, however, with a family in our circle of friends grieving over the loss of a wonderful husband and father today.

Safe and happy weekend, all!

Semi-figured it out...

Why do my kids lose so many toys? Why are they so restless at night that they keep mommy up all hours? Why do I feel the constant brain fry? Why is the house so messy?

Here's partly why.... My kids can't seem to focus on anything for more than five minutes. I wanna play water table - I want lemonade - I don't want lemonade, I want vanilla milk - where is my optimus prime? - where is my ogre's helmet? - why aren't the movies in their cases? - I can't find my alien's head - I want to watch Star Wars - I want to watch Kung Fu Panda - I want to draw - I spilled the crayons - can we make cinnamon rolls? - can I knock on the neighbor's front door? - Can we play a game?

ALL in the last 10 min.

AND... they follow me outside if I hang a pool towel on the deck railing - they follow me down the basement stairs if I do the laundry - they barge into my room while I change clothes - they get into the toothpaste and hand soap - they use the feather duster - they hide the pull-ups and diapers - they open the refrigerator door and take the Coke out - they partially eat the American cheese and put it back.

ALL right under my nose as I try to get ANYTHING done in the house.

They talk at the top of their lungs all day long - they fight - they cry - they have tantrums - they tattle - they throw toys to all corners of the room (some we NEVER find again) - they spill EVERYTHING (I can't tell you how many surfaces in this house are sticky right now - how many are fingerprinted, crayoned, smudged or just plain dirty) - they track dirt on freshly washed floors.....

Maddening, right? Wonderful too? All in a day. Count our blessings, right?

Enjoy the images of messy summer fun (and one neat and pretty high schooler - yep - almost wrote middle schooler...).

Gotta go... something is burning (as usual)....

A few quick updates.

Now that I've joined the living again....

OK - another mess. A general summoned by the President for comments in Rolling Stone. Ouch.

I love the 365 degrees brand by Whole Foods. Two favorites this week - the lime frozen fruit bars (just shared one with Lil) - and the organic creamy tomato basil soup (one serving 3.5 grams of fat - not bad but go easy... easy to "over-serve" yourself soup).

Two favorite kid distractions of the week - Yo Gabba Gabba on Nick Jr. (has good music - and lots o' dancing ;-) - and MarioKart for Wii (totally working to get everyone on the same page for the play date this afternoon - Enzo, Milo and little pal from school - all preschool or kindergartners). These are probably good examples of my "less than stellar" parenting tips - since they are totally tv-focused.

Toys R Us has a 20% off sale on all Little Tykes stuff - outdoor, furniture, toys, etc. Go to the site for the coupon. I'm hunting a sandbox (I know many of you say don't do it, but... my kids are diggers - I have to, I think).

And, by the way, has anyone seen the new boot looks for fall? Usually, they begin to surface this time of year, and I've got some birthday cash I want to spend (and I'm a flip flop or barefoot girl all summer anyway). I did see that Nordstrom is having an UGG trunk show for fall 2010, which will make my daughter and all her pals happy (though I do possess some UGGs myself). That's all I've got thus far...

Water table, cookie baking and writing sample organization are now calling me. Au revoir and have a nice day :-).

Can't sleep.

Possibly a good thing this morning as I contemplate a workout at the gym.....

I worry (as you know). Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by bad family behavior (I don't like to see my kids hurt again and again - and I know that there is often nothing I can do about a family member and his / her issues - mental, personal, etc. - especially if it's a family I've married into and I may not know all the past baggage - but it still stings and ... can be frustrating), issues I needed to resolve with the kids during the day, guilt at not being more of a financial contributor to the family..... more. And.... I can't sleep. Warrants mentioning here that I have always been this way (and I think I have mentioned that before) - an insomniac since I was a kid (back then I worried about outgrowing my toys, disappointing my Mom, why certain people laughed at my new "wedge" haircut, etc.).

I do have to say that with the worry comes some good stuff too - remembering how Enzo got into bed with us early yesterday morning to cuddle (lay on the floor outside our door waiting for us - poor guy) - Milo and how proud he is of his swimming progress and how cute he looked floating on his "noodle" in the pool yesterday - Lil Lil and how I found her playing Barbies by herself on the deck, wanting to eat her dinner out there, perfectly happy alone - how Olivia hung out with us a bit last night, watching silly movies, talking about her day and her friends - and how hubby rubs my head and back when I can't sleep...

Meant to say happy birthday to my brother earlier this week. When I contacted him, he was not feeling well - allergies, sinus infection - something. When I spoke to my Mom yesterday (and all is well there aside from a bird who has built a nest outside her front door and swoops at her all the time), she was going to make him a birthday dinner so assured me that our plans to visit (foiled by Olivia's field hockey clinic today at her old lacrosse field, Winchester Thurston) would be best moved anyway. My birthday is Sunday.

Anyway, if I want to get a pre-6 am start to the gym, I need to give you my rundown....

As you know, I love Olive Juice kids clothes. Big sale here (and I do mean big - when they mark down, they mark everything, including $60 girls dresses, down to $10).

Found this web site recently. Kids clothing, household accessories - started by a Mom. Again, I would give credit regarding where I found this, but... I cruise so many sites and get so many referrals, I often forget.

And... how 'bout that bad call that cost the US the win (they tied) in the World Cup game against Slovenia (found the announcer's nod to the 80,000 + Slovenians in Cleveland, Ohio funny - particularly because I am from the area and my Dad's family is of Slavic heritage - varied). Anyway, it was a game to watch. Read here.

I'm in love with vegan California Suncakes. Not many people are, but I have always loved them and recently rekindled my relationship at a local coffeeshop, Coffee tree Roasters. Try them - you'll like them. Might best be eaten post-workout since they are a little dense.

And, finally, my friend's friend's company here (got that?). She had this funky idea to put area codes and the city you live in, come from ,etc. on t-shirts, and.... finally, the other day, someone wore one on tv (minor celeb - Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View, but still....) and now she is inundated with calls. Good for her! Check her out.

Thinking of friends today who are hiking the Rachel Carson Trail. 35 miles in less than 15 hours. They are better than I am.... Interesting background on Rachel here (really interesting - as is the case with all that I've mentioned here... worth a look).

What are you all getting hubbies, brothers, Dads for Father's Day? I'm only shopping for hubby and may just do a new gym bag and get some of our cool urban family photos from a month or two ago framed for him, which.... brings me to the photos of the day....

My boys and my girls (and I'm just realizing that due to preschool and toddler fickle-ness, we did not get one of the four of them together.... whoops) photographed by Libby (who has moved - sorry Pittsburghers....).

A near perfect day and a request for help.

So yesterday was great (just did frozen waffles and some fruit in the am - don't judge me ;-) - tired of weekend food clean-up :-). Olivia served mass for the last time (so a wee bit sad). Me and Lil went and, though Lil acted up a little bit, I saw some friends there, it was a pretty day, I got some time with just my girls. We shopped Trader Joe's afterwards - took a tour of our beautiful new gym, Urban Active Fitness - Olivia got her photo ID, we sampled smoothies, checked out the babysitting area, talked to a personal trainer, etc. We brought everyone lunch home, chatted with the neighbors then headed to the pool for a couple of hours of swimming (Olivia opted out but did have brownies baked when we got home) - then... home to grill carne asada with fresh tortillas, homemade guacamole, cool chopped English cucumber, jasmine rice, chopped red onion and buttery bib lettuce fresh from the farm (I opted for a veggie option - my carnivores loved the grilled meat). Late evening, we watched The Next Food Network Star. See - it does NOT take that much to make me happy :-).

I'm dragging a bit this morning. Lil was restless last night (mosquito bites, I think) - Milo was doing his "I'm overly tired so I can't sleep" thing (up until midnight!) and something woke Enzo in the middle of the night, and he was confused and thought I should put Toy Story back on for him (from way earlier in the evening), so... I was up and down all night. Lil sometimes needs a cup of milk to get back to sleep - Milo had to use the bathroom - Enzo was "loud talking" like it was the middle of the day... Anyway - up early - hubby to gym - boys watching Noggin and playing the little piano in their room. Lil up and cranky but went back to sleep - Olivia off to swim team. Boys currently demanding vanilla milk, waffles and the transformer that they left with their water squirters in the water table last night. Next order of business... COFFEE!!! Though... on the bright side today - I DO think I get my van back from the body shop (crippling not to have transportation).

Above all, this summer, I'm on a mission to make my kids more self-sufficient. I find that, if I don't pay attention, I will consistently be the one who fetches toys that the boys have left upstairs - become a short order cook for all the kids who eat different things at different hours - change shirts at their request because they've gotten sticky or dirty or wet - pick up toys that they spilled themselves - give in to fickle preschoolers, whining for yet another toy because the one I just ran the stairs for was not good enough - fetching lunch THEN a drink THEN "dessert" THEN more lunch because they're still hungry... I mean some of this, a mother does - ya know? BUT ... I should not have to run the stairs 10X while able-bodied preschoolers lounge waiting for games and toys to be brought to them - I should not have to forgo my own lunch to make ANOTHER for my army of picky eaters - I should not have to pick up discarded sippy cups filled with juice residue everyday from all over the house - I should not have to give up my bedroom to kids who don't like the movie that is on in their room and THEN have to give up the family room because they now want to play Wii; there are days that I do not have even one corner of the house to myself (again, I realize some of this comes with the territory, but...). And... these things are not one time issues.... they are ongoing and consistent realities in my day. One day, I recall not having even 10 min. to myself without a food, clothing, toy, bed making, fight break up or other request. I got NOTHING done. Laundry sat half-folded on the bed - dinner was burned - my lunch sat on the counter half-eaten all afternoon - I was half-dressed all day..... Just no way to live. Add to that the fact that my hubby is a clothes piler (this am, I watched him try to pick through the 6 ft. pile of discarded clothing for a pair of jeans to wear, obviously realizing that he had thrown all of them out of his closet and onto his "piling chair' in our bedroom) - my middle schooler puts ALL of her dishes in the sink all the time - the baby is clingy right now - the boys fight and need to be occupied constantly..... This will change. I promise you - by the end of the summer, I will have a more functional, less stressful household (for me anyway ;-). I mean, sometimes I am actually ashamed that I let them dictate my timeline - as I race out of the house in pajamas because they see their friends and IMMEDIATELY want to play outside - I hang up with a friend because one of them needs his juice RIGHT NOW and is conjuring a tantrum to prove it - or give up valuable task time because they have decided they can no longer get dressed by themselves and need me to do it, so... later, when I should be enjoying their company, playing with them, spending 5 min. on my own hobby, I am frustrated, scrambling to get things done, yelling at them or others..... I guess this is all part of my "mission organization" this summer. Much needed changes will be made :-).

Photos: Some images from last summer - picnic at my brother, David's, house - hanging in historic Peninsula, Ohio with my Mom (near her house - near one of my old high schools, actually) - Olivia and pals, Kelly and Olivia, at a swim meet last year - funny picture of Enzo in Daddy's "vacation hat" (though he thinks he looks like Indiana Jones) - Lil Lil with ice cream in her cool, sparkly black onesie by Childish Clothing .... Looking forward to more fun this year :-).

Haven't heard from a lot of you lately - email, FB, here, etc. What do you have planned this summer? I'm interested..... And... any suggestions for making the fam more self-sufficient? There are days that I am STUMPED. Good thoughts for a good week, all.

A day off.

8th grade class picnic today at Wheeling Park. So.... taking a break from rambling and pontificating, but... have a few tidbits to share...

Interesting story on Facebook and privacy or the lack thereof, that is.

Mindless but fun fashion story / spotlight.

And... that's it today!

A bit of last night, and.... some fashion fun.

Someone sent me this photo (I, of course, am still downloading so thanks, Chris - and... more to come... :-). Love it! It's from the graduation after-party dinner, and.... I've known all these kids forever :-).

And... someone shared this truly fun article on retro fashion from The New York Times with me (WITH images... cool.... thank you, thank you, Sue).