Finding myself ...

... both frazzled and grateful, at the same time - AGAIN.

So - my four year old son gets me up this morning before 6 am. I was downstairs on the couch - having dealt with the 18 month old and her stuffy nose and waking during the night. She was in what we call her "dog bed" - a pillow meant to go in one of those canopied "reading corners" or pretend castles. She will always go back to sleep if left in the "dog bed" - snug bugged in her sister's penguin blanket, knowing Mommy is also up and sleeping fitfully next to her on the couch - while she is on the floor next to the fire. Anyway....

...so he gets me up. But.... I'm not upset - or frazzled (odd having been up all night fretting about home improvement projects and a big fund-raising project that I do for my daughter's school every year) - I'm so happy to see him. See - fresh from hearing the story of two beautiful neighborhood children lost forever in a car accident - with the tender "should we send our sweet, sensitive four year old to kindergarten next year or wait and nurture him another year in preschool" conversation with his teacher from the day before on my mind - and ... well... just able to sleepily watch his sweet deliberate steps coming down the stairs, his funny PJs, his big eyes, his little smile - all that - just made me stop and appreciate HIM. I took a moment to remember my outing with his three year old brother the day before. A great one (other kids in school or with babysitter) - we went to gymnastics - we got coffee - we talked - we sent pictures to Daddy. Normally, the three year can be a bit feisty and difficult - alternately the most affectionate kid in the house and the angriest kid on the block - a total study in contrasts. I also looked at my sweet sleeping toddler - and... noted the sunny day - a welcome change from rain the day before and a perfect day for my middle schooler's field trip.

So... my day of ups and downs started. He wanted to make hot chocolate, so we did. And it was fun - he drank - he shared - he stirred. We got his older sister up for school - she snapped at us - glared - fussed and fought me verbally. By 7 am, I had changed a wet pull-up, wiped pee off the floor, coughed up almost $40 for the field trip, taken out the garbage, calmed a crying toddler, checked my weekly calendar on the computer, sent the requisite lacrosse carpool emails, checked status on a baby gift I sent. By 8 am, I had driven my daughter to the bus stop (late again), attempted to make coffee, done the recyclables, taken a lot of Tylenol, broken up a fight between my two boys and cleaned an entire container of the baby's yogurt off the floor and high chair.

Hour by hour - the day changes. We're relatively calm now at 11 ish. I think the three year old may have killed our orchid, the four year old is suddenly afraid of the toilet and the baby will only eat the organic fruit juice pops that I bought (no solids - no milk - oh well), and we just received a delivery of fill dirt that I'm not sure we ordered, all the kids would rather play with our collection of glass water globes instead of their own toys, etc. - but.... I'm good - handling it all - grateful for the day - the opportunity.... the life we have here :).

As referenced above, I've been made aware of a terrible tragedy. Please read the below link regarding how two local children were killed in a car accident just before Easter and consider donating to the memorial cause (address, contact info. also listed below):

http://www.buffalonews.com/cityregion/story/639173.html

Donations should be sent to:

The Environmental Charter School at Frick Park
Attn: Mr. Jon McCann, Principal
829 Milton Street
Pittsburgh, PA 15218

Make checks out to:
The Kate and Peter Ambrusko Memorial Fund