Drowning

... in a sea of fighting kids, laundry piles, school paperwork, family crap so bad I have hives, insomnia that persists because life is too hectic to continue implementation of my "cure"....

The fighting between my kids is out of control - the demands from my high schooler sometimes seem too much - the fact that my boys have decided that they will not go to their toy, movie and fun-filled bedroom AT ALL during the day and, instead, want to lay around the tv room (too humid outside) while I work around them (weeks of play have left me with a lot to do this week and next) is MADDENING - and makes for a messy, inefficient living space complete with dirty carpets, sticky floors and a musty couch (not to mention, a two year old lost in the shuffle and a high schooler fed up with it all). Hubby works A LOT these days, and... I am left alone - a lot on my mind - tremendous lower back pain (which they say is stress-related and in your head 90% of the time - snap out of it, Sher!). Half the time over the past few weeks, I make dinner and no one but my little ones show up. Last night, hubby and I DID show up - we sat (Olivia at sleepover with four friends - Kelly, Caroline, Olivia B, Olivia Z) and tried to eat while Milo screamed and refused food - Lil was up and down during the whole meal (then cried at meal's end when she realized her plate had been cleared) - Enzo wouldn't sit on his seat and wolfed food down, anxious to get back to the damn Wii - they ALL talked over us and demanded anything from vanilla milk to a "new spoon" every 30 seconds - they engaged in potty talk at the table despite repeated reprimands - they laughed when I attempted discipline. I mean... I'm going through closets right now - desperately needs to get done if we are going to get all these kids' bedrooms organized for start of schoolyear - and, after being interrupted, yelled for, subjected to tantrums or fights every 5 minutes for a stretch of hours yesterday (they will NOT occupy themselves with anything productive - despite my direction - despite access to all sorts of stuff - maybe this is just too much summer - don't know), I sat, hands shaking, near tears, hot, sleepless, foodless and just... totally wrung out ... for a bit, trying to collect my thoughts. I couldn't. I'm really stressed (though my momentary breakdown prompted a fun indoor game of hide n seek - exactly what I WANT them to do!). Sigh. I feel awful.

Last night, I did get to take a drive (picking Olivia and pals up from movie) - listen to music, roll my windows down and breathe a bit (that on the heels of my boys wanting to look at comic books with me pre-bedtime - plus, have to admit, Lil was my "fairy buddy" all day yesterday). I reflected on an absurd argument I had with Olivia earlier (though she did offer me Starbucks as I was on my way to get them, which made me feel like maybe everything was OK) - a nice phone conversation with my cousin - a chat with my Mom - how hubby seemed overworked but attentive to me. All good.

Anyway .... need a break. The post I composed this am was far too "rant-y" - probably warranted - but also probably best left for another day. I will gain perspective and return, refreshed ;-).

It's close ... but it's not another food post...

So ... we spent the day weeding the yard yesterday and laying sand down over our brick patio. Marcello had the boys weeding with him - though they had their little Knight and dragon characters with them (Milo keeps his dragon with him all the time - sleeps with him to scare the bedbugs away :-) and would cool of with Lilliana in the water table now and then. I actually have them help me around the house too - mostly because they like to - and I usually just allow them to make the rounds with the feather duster or push the light vacuum - water the plants - that kind of thing (Lil likes to help unload the dishwasher and they all like to help cook and bake). We also hold Olivia to some "chores" - she has to clean her room - she has to help vacuum - help with the dinner dishes, etc. (the little ones also like to set the table - especially Enzo for some reason - Milo is my vacuuming fiend - it's so funny - I'll hear the vacuum in the other room and come in to see this little chubby guy pushing it - he likes it - what can I say?).

Anyway, I'm never sure how I feel about "chores". I do think, at 14, Olivia should clean her own room. I do get frustrated that she seems to want me to figure out how to store all of her clothes and other items, when - at that age - I did it myself. She seems to think that her room is small and, truthfully, even though I lived in roomier, newer suburban houses growing up, I still had a smaller room for most of my life (I admit, when I was a junior in high school, I did finally get a bigger room - but... it came with a price - I mean, we moved a lot. Digressing...). So... her room does not have a closet (100 + year old house), but we did get her a big armoire and she uses ALL of the lower shelves and most of the floor space in the hall closet. Not ideal, but.... you make it work in these older houses (and we do have plans to get her some new furniture). For the most part, she keeps this "little" room neat and clean.

So ... the little ones were helping yesterday - and.... they got hot and tired and wanted to play. For me, I think - OK - age appropriate time for a "chore" - probably 10 or 15 min (4 and 5 years old) - goof around with the toy shovel - get their hands a little dirty - "help" move the weed pile (such action items always make them feel like "big boys"). But... hubby actually wants them to execute the weed pulling properly - gets ever so slightly irritated when they want to come in and have lunch or a drink ('they've only been out here a few minutes!"). He and I were raised differently in that respect. I had a very industrious father from a working class family who, despite his executive success later in life, would still paint the entire house himself - do all of his own yardwork (he DID have a fancy sprinkler system installed, though) - build decks - tackle all sorts of home improvement tasks, etc. AND - he and my mom kept a pristine home - just perfect - clean, efficient, organized. Hubby has told me before that his Dad, an oncologist, did not even know how to change a furnace filter and hired everyone for his household chores. He was not a yard guy either. Also, his Mom grew up on a farm and expected work from kids - especially her girls, BUT her house was disaster - food all over the kitchen - dirty laundry piles - tables cluttered with paperwork and other items - very messy - very disorganized. Our house, as a result, is a mix of both. Beyond that, we have very different views on how to "work" the kids. Yes - when we painted, my Dad did teach me to edge - or made me paint the ceiling - he showed me how to thoroughly wash my car - my brothers mowed the lawn - BUT, as kids, I think we just brought him beer while he mowed the lawn or got sudsy washing the car. In fact, I don't remember any REAL "chores" until we were older - grade school / middle school-ish.

So ... when is it appropriate do you think? What do you guys do with your kids and at what age? Is it all part of their learning experience? Is it too much? Do they need to learn this discipline or do they need to take more of an observation - type stance? Jury is out for me...... Help?

All in all, a good day (and here's the food part ;-) - after a short time at the pool to cool off, we grilled cheeseburgers and twice-baked potatoes - made a quick salad from our CSA veggies and our own garden and ate at the table as a family (all six of us together - this has been a theme for a few days (hard sometimes with the odd summer schedule).... lunch after camp pick-up with Olivia on Saturday led to more family time later in the day - big breakfast together Sunday morning - pool, dinner - so nice). Later, we built a fire in the fire pit, set up some chairs, roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. Olivia taught Enzo the proper technique for getting the chocolate to melt - Daddy showed Milo how to toast a marshmallow (which Milo would then feed me - the "brown" marshmallows were suspect at first - THEN, he tasted one :-) - Lil was dressed like a fairy (complete with a star wand) and wandered the yard, happy to be with everyone (she fell asleep in that sweet little fairy costume :-). Later, they all caught lightening bugs and hula-hooped - Enzo brought Olivia some water (odd note, I realize, but I love it when they are attentive to each other) - so Milo brought me some (and, for the record, he thinks we were "camping" ;-).... just funny family stuff (will definitely make this a regular "thing" - had wanted our neighbors to join us, but their kids have school today, so.... next time - definitely, M :-). Anyway, all this made up for no call back from my mom again - an afternoon with my mother-in-law during which she listed for me all her oldest daughter's "grievances" against me .... the OTHER unfortunate side of family (and, by all means, friends, weigh in on that too ;-).

Photo: The boys - some summer night at dusk - more family time.... last month maybe....

Oh - and check out the Serious Eats blog (my blog list :-) for a Next Food Network Star update .....

Some ideas ....

We may go to the park today - next to the Pitt Center for the Arts - for music, brunch, family time. Check it out here. It looks like fun.

Saw Inception (with Leonardo Dicaprio, Ellen Page and others) last night with friends. While there might be a couple of holes in the plot (as a writer, I often find them and try to rationalize them), it was exciting and interesting and really fun. A good movie - will definitely inspire some dream discussions and even prompt some more vivid dreams, I think :-). I would recommend it.

And ... looking forward - the Sprout Fund's annual Hothouse event has just released the invitation / venue for this year. We had really wanted to go last year - and didn't - so maybe this year. I heard it was a lot of fun!

Here's an interesting article on how personality appears to be set by first grade or so. which.... solidifies my theory that you can't change people AND that people NEVER change - once you see something in their character once, that means it is imbedded. Another case for how you have to respect people and their individuality as well.

Also - Next Food Network Star on Food Network tonight. I watch that and Hell's Kitchen, though... as you know, Top Chef is my first love ;-).

And... while we're on the subject of food, here is a really tasty summer sandwich idea: Whole wheat bread, lite mayo, salt (for me, optional), pepper, cherry tomatoes cut in half, English cucumer sliced thinly, white onion sliced thinly - layer it up and yum!

Finally, here are some nature-inspired crafts to do for kids.

Happy Sunday, all.

Hooray!

Olivia comes home from camp today! I'm sure we'll have a week full of school shoe shopping, etc. - in fact, I know we have to purchase some sort of highly coveted $100 calculator AND, I believe, field hockey practice is in full swing. The camp photos from the last night have not been posted yet, so.... we'll just have to wait to see her. Maybe we'll go to lunch.... I'm sure she'll want to get right back to her friends (those who didn't go with her, that is).

Good night last night .... Went to First Fridays at the Frick (see photo of Lil in her handmade butterfly mask - glitter and feathers - Ooooo :-). The boys (and even Lil) found some of their friends there and played tag and caught lightening bugs in the trees next to the kids cottage all night (they could even run through the beautiful little garden there). Hubby and I had cheese and fruit - saw some friends - chatted and relaxed while listening to music (were treated to some of Lil's dance moves ;-). On the way home, Milo stubbed his toe pretty badly but patched up nicely after a late night shower (some complaints this morning about the band-aid), and Lil had fallen on the way there (remember, we do everything at 9,000 mph), but... all in all, no problems (aside from one mean older boy who was maliciously throwing berries at my Enzo - why do parents let their kids do that - act mean, that is? At first, I thought it was part of the game, but it became clear it wasn't. I am not a fan of ostracizing or picking on one person. Weigh in on that if you want, friends - was on my mind for a short time last night). In fact, even end of night, sniffly Milo in stroller - happy Enzo basking in a good night with his friends and Lil, sweetly holding my hand as we walked to the car in the dark - happy Frick attendees stopping by a brightly lit antiques shop - all in our familiar school neighborhood - was good - calm and festive. Anyway, came home and watched The White Stripes' Canandian documentary - Under Great White Northern Lights - it was really good - good music - good interviews. GOTTA love the White Stripes.

No coffee filters this am - looks like a store run - for hubby ;-). Busy week - I'm glad to have a quiet morning (though there is talk of gummy bears for breakfast in the kitchen, so I better go intervene ;-).

Uneventful ... but for some reason I'm still tired.

So ... yesterday, I took the three little ones to the museum. First, we went and got Enzo and Olivia all signed up for the bus (as "ceo of the home", I had to get that done ;-). Last year, I had not done so for Enzo since he only rode home, and... I'm not sure he made the cut-off for birthday (too young), so... avoided that hassle entirely. This year, however, Olivia is switching schools and Enzo is, officially, old enough for kindergarten. It was pain-free at the Woodland Hills Admin office for the schools (in Edgewood, we are Woodland Hills - not City of Pitt) - but if you do need to go,be sure to bring 3 forms of ID - driver's license, mortgage statement, utility bill. Then - off we went to the museum where we checked out the dinosaurs, as usual - then... hit all the animals (no interest in mummies.. hmmm...), saw a lighted exhibit they really liked, looked at the entire Frans Lanting photography exhibit (my kids are wildlife lovers) and did a craft in the Frank Lloyd Wright Falling Water exhibit. Big day. We had packed a little picnic snack and stayed all afternoon.

Of course, as is always the case with me, I started to reminisce about the past - how when it was just me, hubby and Olivia, we would go to the museum often. She went to daycare / preschool at Carriage House in Squirrel Hill, and we knew a lot of people there with kids her age, so ... occasionally, we would meet them, but... mostly, we went alone - did lunch - made a day of it. Back then, the dinosaur exhibit was super cool - throughout the day, they would do these rainstorms and it would get dark and sound like it was raining near the brontos and T-rexes - plus there was a big dinosaur footprint to sit in - fossils to touch - AND, if you went to the snack bar in the middle - right out in the open (and it wasn't the sad, depressing cafeteria it is now - it was a bright little cafe with all sorts of kid junk like burgers and grilled cheese), the kids could play with these interactive space and planet games / screens. I appreciate all the renovations to the Carnegie Museum in the past few years, but I do miss the old, more kid-friendly natural history section. I do love museums. You know, I even remember taking baby Olivia to a children's literature illustration exhibit at the Chrysler Museum of Art in Norfolk, VA when we lived there - alone, we kinda wandered and looked at old Dr.Seuss and other sketches... fun. Is anyone else like me in that you miss the old Carnegie Museum? Maybe it IS just me .... getting "sappy"...

Anyway - our day rounded out with a quick trip to the store for dinner items (just grilled some hot dogs), a stop to pick up our CSA basket and a late evening outing to the pool - where one mother at the baby pool declared "what a perfect day", and... it was, I think (Lil and I ended ours on the deck, picking lettuce and playing Barbies - hubby, a true gaming kind of guy, got in some Wii time with his boys as they enjoyed their frozen treats from the pool - all before bedtime story and pjs). This morning, we are sipping hot chocolate (yep - summer hot chocolate - with cinnamon and real cocoa :-) and looking for Olivia in the camp photos again (quick digression here, Top Chef fans - Kelly Liken on this season is a Calvary Camp alum :-) - will probably register the whole family for the Run Around the Square (lower priced registration ends on 13 August so get those registrations in!). Uneventful (maybe a trip to my gym???).

Photo: Reminiscing.... this is me the day after I had Lilliana (who was almost 9 lbs!) at good old Magee Hospital here in Pitt - with all my little ones around me (though Milo looks a little like "mad milo") - can't believe how young Olivia looks - Enzo's "babyface" ;-).

Quick note: Blogher 2010 conference is today and tomorrow. Enjoy, all who are going!