Have just realized ...

... like I did with Enzo last year... that Milo will soon be leaving me for longer periods of time once school starts (yesterday, to calm things a bit, I took out some kindergarten activity books, and it was so sweet watching Enzo help Milo with the activities - for Lil's activity, I had her help me bake zucchini bread :-). When Enzo started kindergarten, it was sad not to have him along at the grocery store or other outings with the little ones. I mean, he had gone to preschool, like Milo does, but it was different - I didn't pick him up at lunchtime anymore - we didn't do a special morning outing once a week anymore... it was... well, like I said - sad. As I fill out school paperwork this year, I am feeling that again. I mean, Milo is so high-maintenance, and I think yesterday, in the midst of his constant talking and jumping off of furniture and staying up too late, I did that deep breath that I've promised myself - that step back to think how lucky I am and how good I have it. When I did that, a flood of memories came back to me - Milo and having coffee, going to the store, hitting a play area, getting donuts - all documented in photos on one of my old phones (I would send them to Daddy and he would text us back - in fact, I remember one of Milo running down a rainy street in Squirrel Hill, a look of pure joy on his face - we would allow Lilliana her morning out program once a week, so we'd be alone). Anyway, Milo has the option, this year, to eat lunch at school - not once a week in P4 like Enzo did - but three times a week! I don't know if we're ready for that yet - may do that mid-year or so. You know... with Olivia I didn't feel this way. She was the oldest - everything was new and exciting - plus I got a lot of one on one time with her - and... she was always the daycare kid and that was part of my working mom world. I think that's it - it's change - a movement in the world I create with them individually. Ugh - don't get me started on high school and Olivia leaving her old school behind....;-).

Photos: Milo likes to take photos. He photographed me here - a few months ago (sometime in the spring - one morning when it was just us) and... then posed for me :-).

On a recipe roll... and feel a rant coming on (a warning ;-)

OK - so last night - or wee hours this am, rather - I found myself sleepless again. Again, thanks, all, for your suggestions and remedies - I am trying them out - in particular, one plan that WAS working (thanks, E), but... after talking to my neighbor about press handstands the other day (yeah - you heard that right), I had to try one out (aging gymnasts must .... um .... lose their minds ;-). I had told him that I impressed my daughter and her friend on the beach last year, and... it occurred to me.... I could do it last year, BUT can I do it THIS year? So I tried - and, yes, made it into the straddle BUT.... an hour or so later during my workout, my back hurt (upper right side). And... hurt all night.

OK - so dumb story of the day out of the way.... I was working on my writing resume - very early am, and... began reading some blogs I follow. I stopped by Callapitter. If you don't know Amy there, you should. Amy lost her beautiful children in a car accident not even a year a half ago. They were 6 and 4 when they died - Kate and Peter. Amy lives near me, but... that's not why I was drawn to her. She is creative - a talented cook, an urban developer and a great writer / blogger. She is a fantastic mom and, beyond all that, has an adventurous spirit that I truly admire. But I am, as usual, digressing... Anyway, I read how she was really missing her sweet kids yesterday - overwhelmed with sadness, as will be the case for a long time, I'm sure. I cried, as I usually do. I wished them back for her, and... I just railed at the injustice of it all. Her point with her post (aside from sharing her very real feelings) was, partly, that she would so much like to break up a fight between the two of them, complain about school not starting soon enough because they are driving her nuts, take them swimming, hold them. And, she can't anymore. Of course, so many of us do that everyday and .... not that we take it for granted.... but I don't think we celebrate those small moments enough - think about our good life - remain thankful for what we have. And we should.

Now... in typical "me" fashion, my mind did wander. I lay next to sleeping hubby and Lil, who had sleepily toddled out of her room asking for milk earlier. I had put her next to me in bed and stroked her hair until she slept again. Similarly, I had to help Enzo to the bathroom, AND... as usual, Milo had been up until 10 pm, claiming that Enzo was snoring and he couldn't sleep ;-). Anyway, I was teary - insomnia brings all sorts of odd worries to light - plus I had just read Amy's post - and.... I started to get angry. I cried - for little Kate and Peter - for my Dad - for my beautiful friend who lost her warm, handsome,creative husband at just over 40, soulmates for sure - for Olivia's school buddy who just lost her dad; second grade, swimming with friends all summer, loving her life, and her young dad dies - for my friends gone too soon, one leaving behind twin toddlers - for my other friends who have lost truly beloved parents who championed their every move and who now know deep loneliness at times ..... I cried because sometimes - even though I am "grown up", I still feel like an outcast (having just gone to the Oakland Catholic orientation where I found myself, end of night, alone, watching Olivia interact with friends and "cooler" parents - of course, like an idiot, I had just grabbed a macaroon and a lemonade and had to stand and eat / drink alone - memories of many loser teenager moments crept back into my head and remained there until I had discarded my treat and hurried into the hall where I felt "safe" - all dressed up and no one to talk to - oh well - for the record, I did remind myself, right then, how great my life was despite silly social snubs or .... well... awkwardness on my part ;-). And then - yeah - anger.

So ... I couldn't help but let my mind wander to those family members, on both hubby's side and mine, who can't seem to behave (wasted time - wasted energy). And ... I mean the behavior is baaaaaaad - shockingly so - from parents, a number of our siblings, etc. We have other family members, friends, etc. who also notice, but ... remain powerless to "help" us. It is very difficult. It is what keeps me up at night. Like I said, I feel a true rant coming....

So ... in the spirit of cherishing what I have, I did take the kids to the Pittsburgh Zoo yesterday where Lil squealed and skipped about, amazed at the animals she was seeing "in person". Truthfully, I have VERY mixed feelings about zoos, but... support ours here because I do like to see the animals cared for - I do like to see the public educated. My boys love the zoo, and they had a fantastic time - really enjoyed the shark encounter (which was, actually, super cool - they are big guys - 7 or 8 feet long - big teeth that come right at you in the glass) - and all their other favorite haunts (we used to go all the time pre-Lil and when she was an infant, but... had not been in a while).

So ... here is your reward for reading through my 4 am musings.... A quick and easy recipe: Chop eggplant, tomato, onion - add salt, pepper, rosemary, oregano, olive oil - toss in bowl then spread on baking sheet - bake at 400 degrees for about 20 min - take from oven and toss with freshly grated parmesan cheese. Serve. Yummy. Because I did not get to the beef recipe that I wanted to (may try tonight or tomorrow and report back), here is something tasty to try.... a fairly new area Mexican restaurant.

Photos: The wee ones hanging this week without their big sis, Olivia (strawberries make it ALL seem better ;-) - though..... we did draw some pictures and "write" to her yesterday, so..... she'll get a little piece of home in a day or so.

Top Chef tonight on Bravo! I'll be watching...

COMPLETELY Random (from recipes to retail)...

Boots under $100 at Piperlime! I'm in!

Watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night and really liked it. If you've ever spent any time in Europe or in complicated relationships, you will relate. I am touch and go with Woody Allen films, but... this one - even with voiceover narrative - was really good (I mean, they're all good - some just speak to me more than others). Was it really 2008 when it came out?!?! I am soooo out of touch regarding movies. Anyway - made me feel better about my house full of half-finished canvases a la artist hubby - my coffee corner, constantly cluttered with spoons, french presses, sugar (all me :-) - my wardrobe and how some people are always referring to me as "bohemian" - my hot temper ;-). Worth a watch - definitely.

Checked camp photos for Olivia today. While we saw her friends playing basketball and doing yoga, we did not see her. Oh well - next round of photos.

Yesterday was a hugely productive day for me - I moved furniture, organized school paperwork, cleaned A LOT, and... somehow made it to Whole Foods where Enzo decided that he wanted to make fish for dinner - told the guy what we needed and everything. And we did end up with some yummy fish tacos for a late dinner (hubby busy at work - made me miss my workout, so... today, I need to be ON IT!): Marinated the fish (tilapia - very mild in case the boys wanted to eat some) briefly in a lime, chipotle pepper, salt and olive oil mixture - pan seared it - rolled it up in hand-rolled, organic flour tortillas with lime, hot sauce, lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and sour cream. So good.

Quick quest for input here.... I have begun to restrict my boys' media time. A good thing some days because it gives us a little more structure and discipline to our "lazy time". I have begun to notice, however, that they are obsessed with the Wii each morning when they get up, preventing me from watching the Today Show or from even reading and having any sort of quiet morning time in my space - the first floor - where I need to be productive. Selfish? I think not. I mean, it also causes fights and mean back talk. By contrast, though, Lilliana has become obsessed with some old-fashioned wooden pull toys I found while digging out yesterday. Interesting. So... my question: Do you restrict TV and / or media time? If so, how stringent are you? And... how do the kids react? You can email me if you like ;-).

Finally.... St. Beders (and I know some of you are still reading me this summer), our paperwork has arrived. Get it in ASAP! If you are lamenting the loss of summer, keep this in mind... we still have a couple of weeks left and schools like Woodland Hills Academy started today!

In closing, I'd like to share a bit of fluff.... that Lady Gaga made Vanity Fair's best-dressed list for being "original", which....is such a joke... given that she steals everything she says, does AND dresses in from Grace Jones and Madonna - who were doing her "schtick" years ago!

Quick note: The National is playing Pittsburgh on 25 Sept - get your tickets everyone - they are selling out!

Last quick note: Are you a Mad Men fan? If so, the 2010 casting call for a walk-on part is on.... get your photo in.... hopefully, the deadline hasn't passed. If so, you can still vote on those who DID get photos in.... until early Sept, I believe. Good luck :-).

And... I'm out. Happy, happy, everyone.

Camp and coffee time....

OK - so Olivia is at her beloved Camp Calvary. When she went to board the bus yesterday, Enzo clung to her and fought tears. Milo and Lil were too busy being cute for other adults and walking the curb like it was a balance beam, but Enzo... he was sad :-(. I promised him we would write to her - we waved - then went to do some photos for our new biz venture - had lunch - played with the neighbors once home (one buddy back from a month away :-). Anyway - every night, the camp posts photos of the campers, so.... here are some images of the "welcome" festivities here.

And.... I LOVE iced coffee - was intrigued by the post on the Serious Eats blog today regarding a cup of buttery, dessert-like iced coffee in New Orleans, BUT was overjoyed to see a url at the close of the post where I could purchase and, apparently, duplicate this liquid love ;-). Maybe we should all give it a try.

Lastly (is that a word?), I have been reading, posting comments, digesting feedback and doing further research on the "free range parenting" concept and blog (see my blog list - definitely always worth a read there). I am torn - fully agree with some premises - appalled at the single-mindedness and flippancy of others. I am working on a post that will, hopefully, generate some feedback from you guys - though... I may wait until the close of summer, knowing that many of you, my blogger pals, are taking a little break currently (L, "story", RH and others).

Photo: Lil and Enzo play with the castle that Enzo and I made at a Pittsburgh Center for the Arts class waaay back before Lil was born. Daddy made a dragon to match with him (it was a week-long parent and me class, which I would highly recommend). Thinking on that summer so long ago because we took photos yesterday on the grounds there.... may do a picnic there this week.. the kids love to hang with the dogs that walk there - throw balls for them, etc.

Oh... and one more recommendation. Yesterday, baked some organic, gluten-free chocolate chip cookies for family friends. Because the kids wanted to help, I copped out a bit and did a mix (don't want too much salt or vanilla or something going into treats for someone else... and my kids can't resist my little salt pinch pot on the counter...), but... used the Cherrybrook KItchen mix that you can get at Giant Eagle's Market District or Whole Foods, and it is great (my picky Olivia calls them the best mix cookies ever). Try them.

Happy day, all. Lil and I are looking at pictures of "prince-nesses" (princesses). She loves them. Go figure. Lots to do, actually. My house is over 100 years old and, therefore, always a work in progress, and it is filled with 4 busy kids and 2 parents who are restless creatives with all sorts of projects in the queue, including photo collages, kids clothing designs, a family cookbook not to mention painting (my bedroom - a sanctuary for a couple of weeks once we kicked the boys out for good - is now covered with splotches of paint on the walls as we plot our color - lovely), herb gardening, furniture rearranging ....

Up early (again)

OK - so Enzo and I have been up a while ... house quiet - a little dark. He's already dressed in a cute little polo shirt and madras plaid shorts - watching cartoons, playing Wii. I'm walking about - folding pool towels from the night before - gathering laundry for Olivia to pack in her camp trunk - making coffee. Lil slept with us last night, having napped too late in the day and having a hard time going to bed (she's always restless on those nights) - this morning I rinsed her milk bottles - covered her with the comforter - left her sleeping next to Daddy. Olivia spent the evening packing for camp (leaves today for Sheldon Calvary Camp - one week away) - opted out of a local fair outing to hang with us and grill - did not have time to go out to dinner (which Big Daddy M wanted to do - might do breakfast). Milo was patient all day yesterday - while big bro Enzo went to a b-day party, he did some lunch and shopping with Mommy, Daddy and Lil, desperately wanting to go to the pool all day - finally made it dinnertime-ish so he could go off his beloved diving board (finally got that on video :-) despite chilly-ish, windy conditions - later spent a feisty evening at home where he redeemed himself with me by sweetly knocking on my door, where I was folding laundry, and offering me creme brulee :-).

Have some fun with those close to you today OR go do something fun for yourself ;-)!

Photos: My wee ones looking for bugs in the front yard AND hubby illustrating that his mug of beer from Hofbrauhaus during a family dinner (visitors in town) was as big as Olivia's head ;-).

In closing... just because I posted some encouraging news about the BP oil spill in Gulf a few days ago, it doesn't mean that there isn't a problem - obviously. Check here for what the damage looks like close up. Just wanted to clarify :-).....