Redemption: An Update

This morning found me and my three little ones lying in a tangle of quilts and sheets on our "big bed". Enzo had wandered down first just after Daddy left for work. He woke Olivia for me - who needed to get up, grab a day old donut, find a clean towel and head to swim practice. With the two little ones still fast asleep, she got a ride from her "bestie" this am .. the pool is only a few minutes away. Tonight, Edgewood swims against old rival, Forest Hills, who is now in a different league, so... it's a fun meet. Just back from practice, Olivia tells me she is swimming the wet t-shirt relay and a combo of back and breast stroke in another event (other highlights will include an "underwater breast stroke" and a "corkscrew" event - should be fun). Anyway ..... The two little ones finally got up. Milo grabbed his milk and lay down next to me and Enzo... then... we saw Lil's messy head appear at the foot of the bed. We are calm today - eating toast and jelly - drinking juice and coffee - watching an old Harry Potter (and I LOVE Harry Potter and JK Rowling - that whole series has followed Olivia perfectly - saw the first one in kindergarten with her.... will keep watching as they come out) - will buy a book later for a friend's b-day party tomorrow.

Yesterday worked out OK. Olivia and a friend worked out with me at the gym - little ones loved the play area so much, they didn't want to leave. We did a fast food lunch, guilt-free (and, yes, I realize we are all about the junk food this week, AND, NO - I did not partake - while I am not going entirely low fat, I am not doing junk - but, M, if you're still reading this summer, I need some of your much-missed "monkey platters"!!) then just like totally tackled the afternoon. They helped me weed the vegetable garden - wash the van's dirty, dirty floor mats - straighten the basement a bit - clean the tv room... THEN, we made lemonade, popped popcorn and got a movie going. In that zen-like state of organization and cool calm, we decided to go outside and play. They like running around and attempting their version of tag with the neighbors OR a pretend play that I can't really follow (all good - I don't want to follow - quite like it when they find that imaginative, parent-free "zone"). On my mobile with my Mom, I ended up tailing Lilliana as she ran after the others down the street - to the neighbor's on the corner where the kids tackled the swingset then ran inside to play. I ended up getting to know my neighbors a little better over guacamole, wine and ice water. We were asked to dinner, but I didn't think Milo would eat salmon and pesto - though it looked yummy, yummy, yummy. I thought I was going to spend a long boring evening waiting for hubby who was working late, but, instead, I had conversation with a nice couple who I usually only see in passing or at our block party. Cool.

In hindsight, I think that using a firm hand (or voice, rather) in the morning DID establish some control. I find it interesting that the "hard labor" we engaged in as a family led to zen calm and an open demeanor that allowed for new experiences later in the day. As you know, I lean towards free-range - though, I am a worrier so will NOT, for example, let my two year run down the street after the older kids. I WILL go with her. My four year old often fashions dangerous looking toys out of rope and semi-sharp weapon-like objects from the house; points for ingenuity, but... I will NOT let him play with them (most of the time) - take a picture - choose a safe toy. I mean I don't get nuts with the worry, but... I do, for example, thoroughly wash the potential salmonella off Enzo's hands after he helps me make eggs - I let Milo push the coffee grinder button but then put it waaaay out of reach so the temptation to work on it himself does not present itself. Within reason, I let them explore. And.... if any of you have read some of my comments / posts on the free range blog, I do not mind indoor play (love the zip line at my kids' gymnastics studio - dig indoor climbing walls - do not see a problem with sand and water tables, etc.) like some "free-rangers" do. I also am not a fan of sending my little ones anywhere when they have to navigate dangerous streets. And, in my opinion, they are all dangerous. On my quiet little urban street, people regularly run the stop sign, so... Digressing. I feel a post for later a'comin' ;-). Stay tuned.

Actually slept well last night. I have implemented some of the advice I was given (some involving chamomile tea and dealing with my worries WHILE I workout - both of which I did yesterday - which is probably why I reported tears on the treadmill during one of my responses to you all - and thanks for all that, btw, S & T - thanks, A, for showing me YOUR crazy eyes in person - thanks for supportive texts too - you know who you are :-) - AND... quick retail note here - I love, love, love my Bath and Body Works pillow spray in the Warm Milk and Honey scent - thanks, kiddies, from Mother's Day). Anyway.... starting to get my worries under control (and they range from the odd - like not finishing photo albums or thinking about a lost toy to irrational thoughts about camp, school uniform and other expenses that I know we can easily handle, but... I don't like how money flows out of the house like water at times....). This week, I may snap again since hubby is off to New York for a photo shoot, but... I'm working on it, as we all are, right?

So ... off I go - chocolate milk for Enzo, steamer for Olivia, apple for Milo and grapes for Lil. I need to buy a vat of laundry detergent to get through the piles of laundry in this house, and .... I'm OK with that :-). Ebb and flow... ebb and flow.....

Photos: More summer zen - all at grandma's house a week or so ago.

If you can't say something nice...

... post a photo, AND.... attempt to be helpful by posting a couple of tips.

Yesterday, took Lil to lunch in Shadyside at the Walnut Grill while boys were at a gymnastics party and Olivia was at Longue Vue Country Club with friends (and speaking of country clubs and helpful tips, did you know that Churchill Country Club is offering, in addition to other dining and limited memberships, a GOLF membership? So.... any golfers - and I know my family is full of them - who want to save some money can check it out! :-). She was good - did not run from us or have a tantrum once. She sat and chatted and ate salad, chicken and fries. She drank orange juice and colored on the paper table cloth like a champ. My tip? The Walnut Grill now has a market salad option which allows you to make / customize your own salad. It was good. Nice option. Is it me or does the atmosphere always feel a little tense in there (and only OK food - come on)? Anyway, lunch was good - it was cool - close to where we needed to get our boys, etc.

American Vietnam Veterans picking up some furniture from us today (AMVETS and other organizations seemed to have their neighborhood trucks full for a couple of weeks, but... these guys were available). A lot of organizations no longer accept furniture or baby items, but they do, and...scheduling a pick-up is super easy. If you need to get rid of some stuff, check them out. I put out several IKEA beds and mattresses today with the pick-up slip that I printed myself taped to them. I have a pre-printed tax receipt. I'm set. Look into it.

Tired today - the humidity in the house keeps Lil and Milo up and restless all night - plus I had to get up super early, navigate rush hour traffic and drive to the other side of town to retrieve Olivia from a cousin sleepover. I rushed her to "mandatory" swim practice that others blew off (prepping for championships, which we are so proud she made again), but... she's conscientious, and I know she's glad she went. Had to hear more family craziness - had to put up with fighting little ones (who, in an odd twist, would have actually slept in today instead of getting up at 5:50 am on the dot - awesome). I'm done. Got the kiddies donuts - trying to grab coffee and sneak in a workout. Also trying to deal with a brand new broken curtain rod, a trail of broken toys, muddy footprints on a toilet seat and juice spilled all over the dining room table and floor. Good times.

Really - E, M & L are so stirred up today. Reluctant to play outside due to gray clouds, they are feisty, angry, grabby, argumentative. I mean, close to tears myself, I just yelled and sent them upstairs where they are now biding their time on the third floor stairs and, you guessed it, have begun fighting again. I'm not exaggerating - 30 seconds didn't go by this morning without tears, a complaint, a scream, an argument, a slap from one to the other. It's awful. I feel like a crazy person who has lost control. I always feel like they hate me and like I've ruined all their fun when I have to deal out semi-harsh punishments. I've tried to be positive this morning. I've tried to be gentle - offer things to do - read books - fix breakfast..... And... I know that some of us have discussed this at length before (you know who you are morning out and gymnastics pals - remember the one conversation that started... "oooo - I really yell - I mean really yell"? - and it wasn't me who started it, my beloved sisters in "end of the rope" frustration). In the throes of trying to provide food, cleanliness and warmth to our families of multiple little ones (three 5 and under in this house) with, in my case and others, a middle schooler / high schooler with specific needs thrown in AND a busy, hard to reach hubby (at times) AND my own maintenance like teeth brushing, dressing myself and eating now and then to sneak in, sometimes raising our voices to restore order becomes necessary (though, the guilt will linger and linger - THOUGH my last reminder yell, complete with "crazy eyes", really did get them playing peacefully together AND using time productively. Go figure.). So.... like the headline states.....

See ya. Hope you're all having better days than I am.

Oh yeah - photo: Me - looking pretty damn cheerful for the life I lead these days (snark, snark, snark). Actually, I was on my way out for the night. And.... you know I'm only half serious - was just telling y'all how lucky I am the other day.... Let's go revisit that post..... Oh wait - or here is me yesterday with some of my fave high schoolers and Lil ;-).... And... since we are glancing at photos, in a related note (and my last tip of the day), I am simultaneously testing acne and aging treatments for my skin. On the first leg of my anti-aging analysis, but... have gushed before about Neutrogena's "on the spot" acne treatment, and... still am. Cheap and effective; I love it! Will report back on other .... the "look and feel younger stuff". Can say now, however, that in informally "testing" toothpastes across the board regarding whitening, fighting tarter and strengthening the enamel (remember, I am anal about my teeth), I am having success with Colgate's sensitive / enamel strengthening item (I'm a teeth grinder at night - hmmmm. what gave me away? Can anyone say "high-strung"? ;-).

In closing... I have to ask... So do you yell? Do you? Does it help? Does anything else help? Can't believe I'm asking, but I am :-). And, for the record, to appease everyone, my first reaction was to cancel my workout - NOT cook the elaborate dinner I have planned... in lieu of stopping to play and / or find an activity to make them all "like" me again. BUT - isn't that a bad precedent to set? I mean, there are days for that BUT there are also days in which things need to get done or Mommy needs a bit of a break. Right? Please weigh-in :-).

Today's Musings...

Paranormal Activity is one of the least scary, most laughable "horror" films I've seen in a long time. Along the lines of the pathetic Blair Witch Project years ago. The premise was great, but....

Butter makes a freakin' mess in the kitchen. Hubby and his Sunday pancakes are a comprehensive, greasy force to be reckoned with each week.

There are some people in life who, as much as you try to be gracious and polite to, will always rub you the wrong way.

Middle schoolers on the edge of high school, fresh from a late Sweet 16 birthday party for a friend ( a boy :-), will always stay up past 2 am and will always be loud (it is 10:30 ish - so shocked to see these girlies on the couch ready for the pancake mess - expected them up at noon ;-).

Found something cool at the artists market last night: Handmade kids clothes and cool hats and neck warmers for adults - check her out, Carla Morris - www.carlamorris.etsy.com - AND - discovered something kinda funny that's not supposed to be funny - the band Nobadjuju from Pitt - OMG - think bad '80s lounge music and / or hair band and classic rock covers.... only these people look like they're in their 30's. Hello?

Feelin' snarky, so... signing off. Though.... was thrilled to run into an old friend last night. Hi Leah :-).

Photos: My Olivia with two of her partners in crime from last night (and there are others... just no pics today :-).

All over the place tonight....

First, let's start off with a few Milo quotes:

Regarding a frozen chicken in Trader Joe's: Hey - why does this dude have bone feet?

Regarding a potato bug on the sidewalk: I poked him and stepped on him; now he's sleeping.

Milo, Milo, Milo :-) - and I mean BIG smile here.

So ... Enzo wanted to make roast turkey today, but... we had to settle for chicken (another big smile). No matter... he helped me season and prep it. We chopped potatoes and veggies then... I had to take a break - from my sweet kiddies. I've been yelling a bit lately. Nothing dramatic, but... got mad at Milo yesterday, and he drew a picture for me and crawled up onto my lap all smiles in apology for being so cheeky earlier. I felt bad. Lil has picked up a sad little saying from being around too many dramatic teenagers - "You HATE me, Mommy" (said if I don't look down right away at her ballet tutu or her funny face - similarly, her siblings also "hate" her if they don't listen to her right away. Drama queen. Still - it's sad.). Anyway, Enzo wanted to talk... and talk and talk and talk. And... I wanted to listen, so I knew I needed time away then ... I could focus (on rainy days, it can be tricky to remember to be nice all day long - this goes for all of us). And I did (once de-stressed ;-) - as we sat at dinner - as he helped me get everything ready for the family - proud of his role - I listened and offered praise and hugs.

My helpful Olivia put the fire under the potatoes AND removed the foil tent from our bird WHILE I was at the gym texting and calling her during my workout (my brief, much-needed time away). And, for the record, I am SORE today, having pushed it the day before with the free weights (In fact - the photo today is a before photo of my nonexistent tricep. Self-portrait, obviously. My hubby downloaded them and asked why I took so many "naughty" photos of myself - coupled with so many dork photos (WHAATTT?!?!). I will post more dork photos later. They are pretty funny if you don't know what I'm doing ;-). Thank you, Olivia. AND... thank you for watching my friend's kiddos so we could hit that sale at Nordstrom I warned / told you all about the other day. Shoes, make-up and one cool jacket later (oh - and cheesecake), we are both a little more rested and focused, I think - me and friend, that is - again, thanks to Olivia :-) - cuz we rolled in well after 11pm.

Take a look at this post at my Free Range blog (see that list of mine again). My response is below. I get a little tired of the division between what is good - what is bad- what is free range - what is not. As is the case with any cause, belief, group - whatever - the tendency to get very single-minded - very fixated on a righteous tunnel vision at times - always looms. Anyway, my response is below (you'll see it if you read - think about responding yourselves - the different life perspectives are necessary here):

Isn’t there value in having outside and inside experiences? I have fond memories of collecting leaves to press inside at my Montessori school. I find waterplay indoors extremely fun; my kids wear their swim goggles in the bathtub – I join them in the waterplay at our local children’s museum. I was a gymnast and trained hard in what was basically an advanced large muscle room. I also ran barefoot and hiked and played in the mud outside, but… I wouldn’t trade my experience inside for anything. Why put restrictions on “free range”? Why deem one activity OK and another not OK? Just my two cents… I don’t think we should be so guarded, and I think we need to be careful not to tell our kids what is appropriately “free range” and what is not (i.e. steer clear of saying what you SHOULD be doing….).

In closing, hope you all have a great weekend. Maybe give this artist's market a look at Southside Works :-). I think we're going to.

Morning House

So this post isn't done during the wee hours, though.... I was up again - just able to get back to sleep this time.... Again, thanks all - your suggestions are really hitting home in that I guess I often don't view insomnia as a big problem, having been sleepless and dragging with babies up all hours or toddlers teething, preschoolers putting off bedtime, etc. for the past few years - AND having dealt with insomnia my whole life off and on (albeit without a family to take care of). Now, however, with some additional "stuff" on my mind, I'm finding that I need my sleep to handle the kid-related nighttime surprises along with all the daily stuff - all our sports and activities - my new amped up workout schedule - my writing - my cooking - my new biz venture currently in the works, etc. I need to finally DO something about it. I think I'll try the "routine" sent to me by a long ago friend with whom I have recently reconnected. His plan seems to make the most sense and may be a longtime "cure". I'll implement then share with all of you (though, again, thanks for all the emails, FB msgs and face to face advice).

Anyway - sharing some images of my morning house today. I am foggy lately - feeling like the clean house we had ready for our houseguests a few days ago has gone way messy again and I am in desperate need of a grocery outing (I think two of my kids just had M & Ms for breakfast ;-)... PLUS I am so sleepy and shaky all the time that I'm spilling sugar, coffee, pasta, soup, etc. all over the floor and counter, breaking things like my favorite retro butter dish (I mean shattered it - along with a mug, a terra cotta pot, etc.).... gotta get back on track.

So... sleepless in Pitt is signing off again but not without mentioning that Men who Stare at Goats is a bizarre movie (love everyone in it, though - Jeff Bridges who really does have shaman-like qualities, Ewan MacGregor who I have loved forever and George Clooney who just cracks me up). Followed that last night by Weird Science. Gotta love that ;-).

Edgewood Eels won their swim meet last night (and Olivia brought home two first place blue ribbons - one for individual - one for a relay - as did many of her friends / teammates). We took all the kids - I filmed Olivia swimming like a jet - got some footage of the wee ones in the baby pool with their funny goggles on (in fact, I missed a great end of the lane perspective video of Olivia to take the opportunity to show Enzo how she and other people he knows swim in "races", as he calls them - I think he wants to swim next year! Just like big sis Olivia, and... just like mommy years ago :-). The long walk around our little 'hood to get to our car - sitting outside the club, backpack on, kids all around me, waving to friends as they drove by on their way home, all of us happy after an evening eating bbq and pizza, watching our swimmers and chatting all night long was JUST GREAT. I do love my life.

OK - brain fry..... I'm beginning to not make sense plus I'm hearing "mommy" every five seconds from my wild bunch. Have a good day, all!